Parenting
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My daughter’s (20th) birthday card from last week seems pertinent at this stage…
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I'm trying to figure out if parenting falls into "Hobbies" or "Pastimes"
Seriously though, good idea for a thread!I have one that took me too long to learn, that is possibly related to @Matt 's "I need a timeout" post. Make sure that your kids learn that you are not super-human. Make sure that they know that you also have bad days, and that you also go through tough times, and that that's okay. If or when they are blessed with their own kids later in life, and they're going through a hard time with them, they won't think that they're bad parents, they'll remember that they're human like you.
I had a friend who struggled with depression in his twenties. When he finally spoke with his mother about it, she revealed that she had always struggled with depression but didn't want him to know. Had he known, he could have shared his struggles with her and felt much less alone in that battle.
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there's nothing like a faceful of baby piss
I learned early, aim baby sideways on from you when changing her... and in my case it wasn't piss.
Then she got me on the hand and sprayed it all up the wall. Second thing I learned - keep the soiled nappy in place to act as a barrier while you do the necessary butt wiping.
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Great thread @EdH I am sure I will pick up some great tips and some much needed laughs from this thread! I had to take my girl to nursery for the first time on Friday, it was absolutely carnage, I could hear the nursery before I saw it, all of the babies were crying louder than ive ever heard, one of them seemed like they were staring at me to rescue them as I dropped mine off
, who was conveniently joining in the hysterics, all while the key worker was casually trying to have a quiet conversation with me. I was like a deer in the headlights. Not sure what I expected and I have a huge respect for these nursery workers, listening to your own child cry is one thing but a room full of other peoples kids takes some serious mettle. She had a good day by all accounts thankfully, and now the mrs has 2 days of well earned chill time during the week before she goes back to work -
There’s an instinct to cultivate a work ethic, but don’t position allowance transactionally as a reward for doing chores or being good, and instead characterize things like chores as just the things that the family does.
Be careful with praise, as too much can encourage attention-seeking / acting out behaviors. Also be specific with praise, how you like how they did something, versus “good boy/good girl”
Instead of correcting unwanted behaviors, ask about alternative, desirable behaviors; “wouldn’t you rather…?” Or “how about you try…?”
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@mclaincausey so clean your room or I’m going to beat your ass isn’t appropriate? Just joking, although I have had that internal conversation with myself a few times…
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Great topic here. My kid just turned 19 months old yesterday. The only advice I can give is try not to wait until you are 46 to have a kid!
my wife and I weren’t on the same page about having a kid and it took a few years until we were both ready to dive in. Im glad we waited because it takes both of us at 100% to make it work. It also takes my parents helping and my sister and her husband, and anyone else who wants to throw their hat in the ring! -
@deanclean Being an older parent is great and I always tell people that at 20 I didn’t have the patience, 30 I didn’t have the time, and 40 I didn’t have the energy.
But to tell you the truth, I’ve had my fun, made mistakes and learned from them, and now am able to enjoy kids and life in ways I never could have when I was younger.
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@mclaincausey said in Parenting:
Also be specific with praise, how you like how they did something, versus “good boy/good girl”
I really like this point!
If you say "good boy/girl" when they do something right, they might think that they're a bad person when they don't do something well. Praising the behavior instead of the person disassociates praise from their worth as a person, which hopefully keeps them from becoming people pleasers.
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@Paul9221 also, what i’ll do is when they do something that was better not doing i’ll ask why they did it. Cause maybe in there eyes it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. You give them a chance to explain. Also i can explain my point of view. Also the question: did you understand that? Is a good one. Cause when they’ll do it again you can recall on the agreement you had made before.
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I would encourage all parents to give this one a listen: https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/the-happiness-lab-with-dr-laurie-santos/happier-parents-happier-kids-pt-1-your-child-isnt-a-vip-or-a-fragile-vase
Really takes down a lot of the helicopter and lawnmower parenting styles that have emerged over the past several decades.
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@mclaincausey We love her podcast and I will for sure check those out. A book we like was “The Gift of Failure” by Jessica Lahey. Totally along those same lines I’m guessing.
