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    • S
      sabergirl
      見習いボス
      Joined:

      I’m so sorry, [mention]scarfmace [/mention] . One foot in front of the other. [emoji3590]

      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
      • chrisjohnnickC
        chrisjohnnick
        Iron Heart Deity
        Joined:

        Sorry to hear all that, my man. Just do one day at a time.

        Every situation is different, and I haven't experienced those same things, but I have been working through depression for the last several years. Every time I feel it coming on I just follow these 3 rules: Drinks lots of water, get plenty of sleep, and avoid social media for a few days at a time.

        Wants List:
        IHSH-20-Red, XL
        IHSH-208-Indigo Kersey, L-XL
        IHSH-254-Grey Kersey, L-XL
        IHSW-45 Black, M
        IH-526SV 21oz type III, 38 or 40
        IH-777S-SB size 32
        IH-777S-142 size 31 or 32

        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
        • mclaincauseyM
          mclaincausey
          見習いボス
          Joined:

          Oh man @scarfmace what a terrible start to the year. Better times wait you in your 36th year. Happy birthday!

          Think it, be it.

          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
          • scarfmaceS
            scarfmace
            Haraki san Expert
            Joined:

            thank you all for the kind words!

            I'll be fine. I was in a dark place for a while but I'm recovering. I've written down a lot and was able to lean hard on friends. The thing is that nothing really happened. We had everything we can hope for, a beautiful house, 2 healthy boys and enough money in the bank to go on holiday every year. She has everything to be happy but she doesn't feel happy. So she wants to take a step back to reflect, and find out what is missing in her life. I can't help her and the divorce is absolutely necessary in her mind to be able to make a clean break.

            We want to stay in close touch and centre around the kids.

            I didn't see it coming and never even thought about this as a possibility, it hit me hard and I felt like a loser for a while. It feels like I'm grieving but the person is still actually there.

            Anyway, looking back on the first week, I know that I'm a lot stronger now, and eventually, this will get its place in history and I'll move on from it. I'm strong enough to endure and stay focused on the positive. One day at a time. Yesterday was my birthday and I hit a low again, but today is a new day and still here 🙂

            I know the forum is maybe not the best place to vent, seeing as most of you are complete strangers but for some reason it felt like something I had to get off my chest.

            "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
            • GilesG
              Giles
              IHUK Crew
              Joined:

              Great post.  Glad you're keeping it together.

              Keep venting here.  No probs.

              "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
              • neph93N
                neph93
                見習いボス
                Joined:

                @Giles:

                Great post.  Glad you're keeping it together.

                Keep venting here.  No probs.

                Agreed with all that.

                @scarfmace from what you write you are dealing with this exactly as you should. The most important thing is to experience and acknowledge all the emotions. Psychologically one of the worst experiences is thinking negative thoughts about someone you love, while not grieving loss is also extremely damaging. It sounds like you're doing the latter and will be able to reconcile the former.

                Keep up the good work mate. Lots of folks here have been through the same thing, myself included.

                “Some of those that work forces
                Are the same that burn crosses”

                • Virginia Woolf
                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                • steelworkerS
                  steelworker
                  見習いボス
                  Joined:

                  I'm sorry for your troubles @scarfmace . One foot in front of the other is all you can do.

                  Those are my principles, and if you don't like them…
                  Well, I have others.

                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                  • J-IVJ
                    J-IV
                    啓蒙家
                    Joined:

                    Keep on keepin' on @scarfmace . it takes a lot of courage to share, and you're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for - we're all rooting for you!

                    I'm as ugly as you

                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • SeulS
                      Seul
                      Joined:

                      Clocking bell… Keep your chin up and feel free to hit me up if you wanna talk to a relative stranger IRL... Niet twijfelen maat: PM me en we fiksen dat  🙂

                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                      • popvultureP
                        popvulture
                        見習いボス
                        Joined:

                        I'm so glad to hear you're doing a little better — and vent away, as we've all been through stuff of our own and are here to listen 🙂

                        And as Neph said, give yourself room to feel all of the stuff. I know that's something I've dealt with, and giving myself the permission was a huge step forward in starting to heal from things that were holding me back.

                        WTB
                        IHSH-IHG-BLK XXL
                        Sugar Cane Coke Stripe SS L charcoal

                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                        • henry_davidH
                          henry_david
                          Joined:

                          The only thing that's gonna help is sharing your life with others, @scarfmace. Together we can celebrate and magnify the good things and together we can divvy up the burden of tougher times. I'm sorry that this is how your 2022 is shaking out.

                          I wish you the best and hope that you continue to reach out for support both here and in the community around you. People want to help. They just need to be asked to give it.

                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                          • scarfmaceS
                            scarfmace
                            Haraki san Expert
                            Joined:

                            Thank you all for your words of encouragement. Listening to the IH podcast S2e3 and finding the 'Vir Vunerabilis Vir' podcast realy helps me put things in perspective.

                            On the homefront:
                            We just told our kids we are going to separate and they said they 'liked the idea'. (they are 3 and 5, I'm sure the real questions will come much later)

                            Another thing that seems to work out is me buying off the house and mortgage on my own.

                            In about 10 days my ex (it feels so weird to call her that) is moving out and in a way, I feel that it will help me consolidate and heal.

                            Still going one step at a time but looking back, I can see the road I've been on emotionaly, and in a way that gives me the strength to push on, knowing that time will heal all wounds.

                            "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                            • Filthy2123ozjunkieF
                              Filthy2123ozjunkie
                              見習いボスー
                              Joined:

                              These make me cringe. Do these bring out the Trypophobia in anyone else?

                              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                              • popvultureP
                                popvulture
                                見習いボス
                                Joined:

                                Lol I agree — the super neppy stuff is just way too much for me. I like my shit looking vintage for the most part, the occasional slubbiness. That's about as far as I wanna go.

                                WTB
                                IHSH-IHG-BLK XXL
                                Sugar Cane Coke Stripe SS L charcoal

                                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                • KasiK
                                  Kasi
                                  見習いボス
                                  Joined:

                                  Look like snow jeans….

                                  The world's insane
                                  While you drink champagne
                                  And I'm livin' in black rain 4Q 🖕

                                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                  • Filthy2123ozjunkieF
                                    Filthy2123ozjunkie
                                    見習いボスー
                                    Joined:

                                    @Kasi:

                                    Look like snow jeans….

                                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                    • KasiK
                                      Kasi
                                      見習いボス
                                      Joined:

                                      I pass I don’t like snow jeans…. Only PBJ would do that or samurai….

                                      I will stick with Iron Heart

                                      The world's insane
                                      While you drink champagne
                                      And I'm livin' in black rain 4Q 🖕

                                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                      • MattM
                                        Matt
                                        見習いボス
                                        Joined:

                                        @scarfmace:

                                        Thank you all for your words of encouragement. Listening to the IH podcast S2e3 and finding the 'Vir Vunerabilis Vir' podcast realy helps me put things in perspective.

                                        On the homefront:
                                        We just told our kids we are going to separate and they said they 'liked the idea'. (they are 3 and 5, I'm sure the real questions will come much later)

                                        Another thing that seems to work out is me buying off the house and mortgage on my own.

                                        In about 10 days my ex (it feels so weird to call her that) is moving out and in a way, I feel that it will help me consolidate and heal.

                                        Still going one step at a time but looking back, I can see the road I've been on emotionaly, and in a way that gives me the strength to push on, knowing that time will heal all wounds.

                                        You know, there’s a support group meeting coming up in September I think.  😉

                                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                        • KasiK
                                          Kasi
                                          見習いボス
                                          Joined:

                                          Support group meeting…

                                          More details please

                                          The world's insane
                                          While you drink champagne
                                          And I'm livin' in black rain 4Q 🖕

                                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                          • LewisStonehouseL
                                            LewisStonehouse
                                            啓蒙家
                                            Joined:

                                            @Filthy:

                                            These make me cringe. Do these bring out the Trypophobia in anyone else?

                                            I’m getting the word, dandruff

                                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
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