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    Iron Heart Fall/Winter 2025 Collection Preview - Now Live

    That's Jokes

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    • goosehdG
      goosehd
      Mod Squad
      Joined:

      A guy walks into a bar and pulls out a little man and a small piano and places them on the bar and the little guy starts playing mozart while he orders his drink.

      The bartender says I'm sure it's none of my business but where did you get a little man to play piano like that? So the customer says there's a genie outside granting wishes and if you're quick enough you might catch him.

      So the bartender runs outside and moments later a bunch of ducks come in causing a ruckus and the bartender comes back and shouts you didn't say the genie was deaf I asked for a million bucks not ducks.

      So the customer says I didn't ask for an 11 inch pianist.

      "I don't give a shit what anyone else is doing, we will do what is best for us and our customers" - Giles P. :)

      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 9
      • GilesG
        Giles
        IHUK Crew
        Joined:

        😂

        "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
        • endoE
          endo
          見習いボス
          Joined:

          😁

          si tacuisses

          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
          • motojoboboM
            motojobobo
            啓蒙家
            Joined:

            f39bb151-2a70-412e-b941-78a1e9ba815a.jpeg

            The journey is the objective.

            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 7
            • endoE
              endo
              見習いボス
              Joined:

              IMG_0693.jpeg

              si tacuisses

              last edited by ROmanR 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 4
              • ROmanR
                ROman
                Haraki san Prodigy
                @endo
                Joined:

                @endo good one

                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                • GilesG
                  Giles
                  IHUK Crew
                  Joined:

                  image.png

                  "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

                  last edited by I 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 8
                  • I
                    IrishHeart
                    Haraki san Expert
                    @Giles
                    Joined:

                    @Giles was the author Dominic Cummings?

                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • goosehdG
                      goosehd
                      Mod Squad
                      Joined:

                      A cabbie picks up a nun outside an apartment building; she asks for a trip to another apartment up town.

                      When they arrive at the destination, the cabbie says:
                      "I sorry to say this, but I've always wanted to kiss a nun!"

                      She says "I could only do that if you are single and a Catholic"...

                      The cabbie says "I'm both!!"

                      Then she says "Pull into the alley around the corner"...and then she kisses him so hard it would make a hooker blush!

                      Full of guilt, the cabbie says "I lied...I'm Jewish and married..."

                      The nun says "That's ok...my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween Party!!!"

                      "I don't give a shit what anyone else is doing, we will do what is best for us and our customers" - Giles P. :)

                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 9
                      • ROmanR
                        ROman
                        Haraki san Prodigy
                        Joined:

                        ^very good.

                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
                        • BrianB
                          Brian
                          Joined:

                          May have been posted previously I have no idea

                          A young lad walked into a pharmacy. "How much is it for one condom?", he asked the pharmacist. "Sorry, son, but they only come in packs of three and they're $3.50," said the pharmacist. "Darn," said the disappointed lad, "I don't have enough money. And today I was planning on getting lucky with my new girlfriend." "Well," said the pharmacist, "in that case you can take a box for free." "Gee, thanks!!!" yelled the lad as he dashed out the door holding the box of condoms.

                          That night, he was at his girlfriends' house, and everyone was seated at the dinner table, ready to eat. They all said grace with bowed heads, and then they began eating. As dinner progressed, the girl noticed that the boy's head was still bowed. "I didn't know you were so religious," she whispered to her young boyfriend, impressed.

                          "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist," was his reply.

                          last edited by J 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 7
                          • J
                            Jett129
                            見習いボス
                            @Brian
                            Joined:

                            @Brian One of my all time favorite jokes.

                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
                            • endoE
                              endo
                              見習いボス
                              Joined:

                              hahaha

                              si tacuisses

                              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                              • dinobarnesberlinD
                                dinobarnesberlin
                                啓蒙家
                                Joined:

                                281e8e96-86f2-417c-8525-9b7b82a9ebed.jpeg

                                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 3
                                • MattM
                                  Matt
                                  見習いボス
                                  Joined:

                                  😂

                                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                  • GilesG
                                    Giles
                                    IHUK Crew
                                    Joined:

                                    A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

                                    THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
                                    THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

                                    THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

                                    THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

                                    THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.

                                    THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE." HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.

                                    THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
                                    "I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."

                                    "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

                                    last edited by Giles 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 11
                                    • EdHE
                                      EdH
                                      Iron Heart Deity
                                      Joined:

                                      When does a dad joke become funny?
                                      When the punchline becomes apparent.
                                      When does the punchline become apparent?
                                      When it is delivered.

                                      Take the dive...

                                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                      • I
                                        IrishHeart
                                        Haraki san Expert
                                        Joined:

                                        IMG_0094.png

                                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 2
                                        • I
                                          IrishHeart
                                          Haraki san Expert
                                          Joined:

                                          IMG_0095.png

                                          last edited by goosehdG 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 7
                                          • goosehdG
                                            goosehd
                                            Mod Squad
                                            @IrishHeart
                                            Joined:

                                            @IrishHeart 😆 😆 😆

                                            "I don't give a shit what anyone else is doing, we will do what is best for us and our customers" - Giles P. :)

                                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
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