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    Iron Heart Fall/Winter 2025 Collection Preview - Now Live

    That's Jokes

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    • I
      IrishHeart
      Haraki san Expert
      @Giles
      Joined:

      @Giles was the author Dominic Cummings?

      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
      • goosehdG
        goosehd
        Mod Squad
        Joined:

        A cabbie picks up a nun outside an apartment building; she asks for a trip to another apartment up town.

        When they arrive at the destination, the cabbie says:
        "I sorry to say this, but I've always wanted to kiss a nun!"

        She says "I could only do that if you are single and a Catholic"...

        The cabbie says "I'm both!!"

        Then she says "Pull into the alley around the corner"...and then she kisses him so hard it would make a hooker blush!

        Full of guilt, the cabbie says "I lied...I'm Jewish and married..."

        The nun says "That's ok...my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween Party!!!"

        "I don't give a shit what anyone else is doing, we will do what is best for us and our customers" - Giles P. :)

        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 9
        • ROmanR
          ROman
          Haraki san Prodigy
          Joined:

          ^very good.

          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
          • BrianB
            Brian
            Joined:

            May have been posted previously I have no idea

            A young lad walked into a pharmacy. "How much is it for one condom?", he asked the pharmacist. "Sorry, son, but they only come in packs of three and they're $3.50," said the pharmacist. "Darn," said the disappointed lad, "I don't have enough money. And today I was planning on getting lucky with my new girlfriend." "Well," said the pharmacist, "in that case you can take a box for free." "Gee, thanks!!!" yelled the lad as he dashed out the door holding the box of condoms.

            That night, he was at his girlfriends' house, and everyone was seated at the dinner table, ready to eat. They all said grace with bowed heads, and then they began eating. As dinner progressed, the girl noticed that the boy's head was still bowed. "I didn't know you were so religious," she whispered to her young boyfriend, impressed.

            "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist," was his reply.

            last edited by J 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 7
            • J
              Jett129
              見習いボス
              @Brian
              Joined:

              @Brian One of my all time favorite jokes.

              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
              • endoE
                endo
                見習いボス
                Joined:

                hahaha

                si tacuisses

                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                • dinobarnesberlinD
                  dinobarnesberlin
                  啓蒙家
                  Joined:

                  281e8e96-86f2-417c-8525-9b7b82a9ebed.jpeg

                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 3
                  • MattM
                    Matt
                    見習いボス
                    Joined:

                    😂

                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • GilesG
                      Giles
                      IHUK Crew
                      Joined:

                      A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

                      THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
                      THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

                      THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

                      THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

                      THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.

                      THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE." HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.

                      THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
                      "I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."

                      "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

                      last edited by Giles 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 11
                      • EdHE
                        EdH
                        Iron Heart Deity
                        Joined:

                        When does a dad joke become funny?
                        When the punchline becomes apparent.
                        When does the punchline become apparent?
                        When it is delivered.

                        Take the dive...

                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                        • I
                          IrishHeart
                          Haraki san Expert
                          Joined:

                          IMG_0094.png

                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 2
                          • I
                            IrishHeart
                            Haraki san Expert
                            Joined:

                            IMG_0095.png

                            last edited by goosehdG 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 7
                            • goosehdG
                              goosehd
                              Mod Squad
                              @IrishHeart
                              Joined:

                              @IrishHeart 😆 😆 😆

                              "I don't give a shit what anyone else is doing, we will do what is best for us and our customers" - Giles P. :)

                              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                              • endoE
                                endo
                                見習いボス
                                Joined:

                                ouch @IrishHeart 😬

                                si tacuisses

                                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                • MattM
                                  Matt
                                  見習いボス
                                  Joined:

                                  On paper it does sound pretty good.

                                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                  • J
                                    Jett129
                                    見習いボス
                                    @T4920
                                    Joined:

                                    @T4920 Saw Anthony Jeselnik live tonight at Carnegie Hall. He was absolutely off the charts,next level brilliant. But he now knows that his fans know what to expect and somehow he manages to stay one step ahead of everyone in when and how he flips the punchline.

                                    last edited by MizmazzleM 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 2
                                    • MizmazzleM
                                      Mizmazzle
                                      見習いボス
                                      @Jett129
                                      Joined:

                                      @Jett129 I’d love to see him some day. Think he’s coming to Denver soon or perhaps just passed through. Sold out before I got tix.

                                      In the easy chair with my boots on, melted whiskey in my hand. Could'na been asleep for more than three hours...time to go to work again...

                                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                      • endoE
                                        endo
                                        見習いボス
                                        Joined:

                                        For my german pals only, sorry. The great Bernhard-Viktor 'Vicco' Christoph-Carl von Bülow, or Loriot, was born tomorrow 100 years ago. No one but him could do a literary criticism on the timetable of the Bundesbahn and be entertaining af.

                                        si tacuisses

                                        last edited by endo 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                        • J
                                          Jett129
                                          見習いボス
                                          Joined:

                                          Took this from Sundays with Mitch.

                                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
                                          • MizmazzleM
                                            Mizmazzle
                                            見習いボス
                                            Joined:

                                            ^one of a kind

                                            In the easy chair with my boots on, melted whiskey in my hand. Could'na been asleep for more than three hours...time to go to work again...

                                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
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