That's Jokes
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@T4920 Sloss reminds me of Bill Barr
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@steelworker I never made the connection myself, but that's quite to complement!
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A guy walks into a bar and pulls out a little man and a small piano and places them on the bar and the little guy starts playing mozart while he orders his drink.
The bartender says I'm sure it's none of my business but where did you get a little man to play piano like that? So the customer says there's a genie outside granting wishes and if you're quick enough you might catch him.
So the bartender runs outside and moments later a bunch of ducks come in causing a ruckus and the bartender comes back and shouts you didn't say the genie was deaf I asked for a million bucks not ducks.
So the customer says I didn't ask for an 11 inch pianist.
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@endo good one
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@Giles was the author Dominic Cummings?
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A cabbie picks up a nun outside an apartment building; she asks for a trip to another apartment up town.
When they arrive at the destination, the cabbie says:
"I sorry to say this, but I've always wanted to kiss a nun!"She says "I could only do that if you are single and a Catholic"...
The cabbie says "I'm both!!"
Then she says "Pull into the alley around the corner"...and then she kisses him so hard it would make a hooker blush!
Full of guilt, the cabbie says "I lied...I'm Jewish and married..."
The nun says "That's ok...my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween Party!!!"
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^very good.
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May have been posted previously I have no idea
A young lad walked into a pharmacy. "How much is it for one condom?", he asked the pharmacist. "Sorry, son, but they only come in packs of three and they're $3.50," said the pharmacist. "Darn," said the disappointed lad, "I don't have enough money. And today I was planning on getting lucky with my new girlfriend." "Well," said the pharmacist, "in that case you can take a box for free." "Gee, thanks!!!" yelled the lad as he dashed out the door holding the box of condoms.
That night, he was at his girlfriends' house, and everyone was seated at the dinner table, ready to eat. They all said grace with bowed heads, and then they began eating. As dinner progressed, the girl noticed that the boy's head was still bowed. "I didn't know you were so religious," she whispered to her young boyfriend, impressed.
"I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist," was his reply.
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A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE." HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."
