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    Iron Heart Fall/Winter 2025 Collection Preview - Now Live

    That's Jokes

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    • ROmanR
      ROman
      Haraki san Prodigy
      Joined:

      WOW @endo glad you made it out Okay, and were able to help the others that were injured. Crazy story.

      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
      • MattM
        Matt
        見習いボス
        Joined:

        That’s nuts. If I were on that plane I’d have gone home and told my family about the dreamy well dressed doctor who tenderly cared for me during my moment of terror. My version would have had snakes in it though. 🐍 ✈️

        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
        • endoE
          endo
          見習いボス
          Joined:

          haha, not dreamy well dressed I‘m afraid, and no snakes

          si tacuisses

          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
          • I
            IrishHeart
            Haraki san Expert
            Joined:

            Newbie here, so hopefully nobody offended by this one.

            Sister Mary entered the Monastery of Silence. The Abbot said, “ sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so.”
            Sister Mary lived in the monastery for 5 years before the abbot said to her, “ Sister Mary, you have been here for 5 years. You can speak two words.
            Sister Mary said, “Hard bed.”
            “Im sorry to hear that” the Abbot said, “we’ll get you a better bed.”
            After 5 more years, Sister Mary was called by the Abbot. “ You may say another 2 words Sister”.
            “ Cold food”, said Sister Mary. The Abbot assured her the food would be better in future.
            On her 15th anniversary, the Abbot again called Sister Mary into his office. “ You may say 2 words today”.
            “ I quit” said Sister Mary.
            “It’s probably for the best” said the Abbot, “ you’ve done fuck all but moan since you’ve been here”.

            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 7
            • GilesG
              Giles
              IHUK Crew
              Joined:

              Brilliant

              "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
              • A
                Autorotate
                Joined:

                (This may have been posted earlier)

                All of my fake plants died… because I forgot to pretend to water them.
                -Mitch Hedberg

                I did a YouTube deep dive on some of his joke yesterday, and this is his most popular. King of the deadpan one-liners. He was absolutely brilliant. For a good laugh, I recommend searching some of his performances. Happy Friday!

                last edited by J 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 2
                • goosehdG
                  goosehd
                  Mod Squad
                  Joined:

                  Hedberg always makes me laugh 😂 I think this is one of the one liners he is most known for:

                  "I don't give a shit what anyone else is doing, we will do what is best for us and our customers" - Giles P. :)

                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 2
                  • KasiK
                    Kasi
                    見習いボス
                    Joined:

                    @Matt

                    Taking English lessons 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

                    https://www.instagram.com/reel/Co423oxgmJh/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

                    The world's insane
                    While you drink champagne
                    And I'm livin' in black rain 4Q 🖕

                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • J
                      Jett129
                      見習いボス
                      @Autorotate
                      Joined:

                      @Autorotate I'm a huge,huge really huge Mitch Hedbberg fan ,and over the years I've occasionally posted clips,and never got any response. Nice to see someone else posting about him. One of my favorites is... My friend said look at this picture of me when I was younger,I told him every picture of you is when you were younger!

                      last edited by Jett129 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
                      • scarfmaceS
                        scarfmace
                        Haraki san Expert
                        Joined:

                        A guy changes jobs and on his first day, askes where you can get a full tank of gas at lowest price around the area. His co-worker Bill tells him there is a gas station no to far off, its not the cheapest but they run an incredible deal and he should check it out for sure.
                        The guy follows directions and upon locating the station, he spots a huge sign that says: “Free sex here!”
                        Intrigued, he stops, fills his car and enters the shop. Asking about the sign, the dude behind the counter explains: If you get a full tank of gas, you can enter a lottery, guess the right number between 1 and 10, and receive free sex. Our guy shouts out 7 but no luck, the correct number was 8.
                        next week, same story, 3 when its 5 and so the story continues.
                        After a couple months the two coworkers meet up again and our guy goes on a ramble telling Bill he thinks the gas station is a scam, he never ever got the numbers right.
                        Impossible answers Bill, both my wife and my daughter win all the time!

                        "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 2
                        • KasiK
                          Kasi
                          見習いボス
                          Joined:

                          @Matt
                          You doing good
                          Math lesson

                          https://www.instagram.com/reel/CnrWjnpBMTu/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

                          The world's insane
                          While you drink champagne
                          And I'm livin' in black rain 4Q 🖕

                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                          • J
                            Jett129
                            見習いボス
                            Joined:

                            One of my favorites. Sites Mitch Hedberg as an influence.

                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                            • KasiK
                              Kasi
                              見習いボス
                              Joined:

                              @Matt

                              This one for you lesson 3

                              🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

                              https://www.instagram.com/reel/CnZJiKmpmAA/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

                              If you need to lose weight do this

                              https://www.instagram.com/reel/CoHzfVtjW_Y/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

                              The world's insane
                              While you drink champagne
                              And I'm livin' in black rain 4Q 🖕

                              last edited by Kasi 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                              • KasiK
                                Kasi
                                見習いボス
                                Joined:

                                🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 https://www.instagram.com/reel/CpeBXf7owSD/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=

                                The world's insane
                                While you drink champagne
                                And I'm livin' in black rain 4Q 🖕

                                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                • MattM
                                  Matt
                                  見習いボス
                                  Joined:

                                  Do you think I need to lose weight?

                                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                  • KasiK
                                    Kasi
                                    見習いボス
                                    Joined:

                                    Yes to get your ring size right 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

                                    The world's insane
                                    While you drink champagne
                                    And I'm livin' in black rain 4Q 🖕

                                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                    • MattM
                                      Matt
                                      見習いボス
                                      Joined:

                                      My fingers are all muscle. They’ll kick sand on your tiny baby fingers. 🤘💪

                                      last edited by KasiK 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                      • KasiK
                                        Kasi
                                        見習いボス
                                        Joined:

                                        @Matt

                                        Use protection
                                        🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

                                        https://www.instagram.com/reel/CokSyxOjo5a/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

                                        The world's insane
                                        While you drink champagne
                                        And I'm livin' in black rain 4Q 🖕

                                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                        • KasiK
                                          Kasi
                                          見習いボス
                                          @Matt
                                          Joined:

                                          @Matt said in That's Jokes:

                                          My fingers are all muscle. They’ll kick sand on your tiny baby fingers. 🤘💪

                                          That why you look 87 years old

                                          You old codger

                                          Jealous I am younger than you 🤣🤣🤣

                                          The world's insane
                                          While you drink champagne
                                          And I'm livin' in black rain 4Q 🖕

                                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                          • KasiK
                                            Kasi
                                            見習いボス
                                            Joined:

                                            @Matt
                                            You doing well in English lesson 🤣🤣🤣🤣 keep up the good work

                                            https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cn3FPLFtFK-/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

                                            The world's insane
                                            While you drink champagne
                                            And I'm livin' in black rain 4Q 🖕

                                            last edited by Kasi 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
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