• Home
  • Recent
  • Calendar
  • Register
  • Login
  • Home
  • Recent
  • Calendar
  • Register
  • Login
Iron Heart Forum
Iron Heart Forum

Iron Heart Fall/Winter 2025 Live Reveal - Thursday 12th of June at 1700BST

That's Jokes

General Chat
123
1.2k
222.1k
Loading More Posts
  • Oldest to Newest
  • Newest to Oldest
  • Most Votes
Reply
  • Reply as topic
Log in to reply
This topic has been deleted. Only users with topic management privileges can see it.
  • M
    Matt
    見習いボス
    Joined: 4 Oct 2011

    Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!

    last edited by 1 Mar 2023, 15:24 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
    • R
      ROman
      Haraki san Prodigy
      Joined: 5 Jan 2015

      @endo I've been reading good things about Condors new fleet.

      last edited by 2 Mar 2023, 01:00 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
      • E
        endo
        見習いボス
        Joined: 29 May 2020

        The aircraft was fine, but the ride was rough. We experienced turbulences over the indian ocean. I was thrown out of my seat, hit the ceiling with my head and landed in the aisle. Approximately 20 people got injured, one broken leg, lots of bleeding heads. The ceiling in the cabin was actually broken above many seats from people (heads) been thrown against it. Together with 4 other doctors we managed to take care of everyone untill the plane landed about 3 hrs later. Haven‘t had this before.

        si tacuisses

        last edited by 2 Mar 2023, 04:42 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
        • M
          motojobobo
          啓蒙家
          Joined: 22 Aug 2015

          Glad you made it OK @endo but sorry you and the rest of the passengers had such a rough ride. Never been on such a turbulent flight myself.

          Odds are you are very unlikely to ever buy an IHTB-01-GRN after this !!

          The journey is the objective.

          last edited by 2 Mar 2023, 05:03 E 1 Reply Last reply 2 Mar 2023, 05:10 Reply Quote 0
          • E
            endo
            見習いボス
            @motojobobo
            Joined: 29 May 2020

            @motojobobo said in That's Jokes:

            Glad you made it OK @endo but sorry you and the rest of the passengers had such a rough ride. Never been on such a turbulent flight myself.

            Odds are you are very unlikely to ever buy an IHTB-01-GRN after this !!

            😁 no, I‘d love to

            si tacuisses

            last edited by 2 Mar 2023, 05:10 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
            • G
              Giles
              IHUK Crew
              Joined: 22 Sept 2009

              Wow....

              "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

              last edited by 2 Mar 2023, 06:42 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
              • R
                ROman
                Haraki san Prodigy
                Joined: 5 Jan 2015

                WOW @endo glad you made it out Okay, and were able to help the others that were injured. Crazy story.

                last edited by 2 Mar 2023, 15:18 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                • M
                  Matt
                  見習いボス
                  Joined: 4 Oct 2011

                  That’s nuts. If I were on that plane I’d have gone home and told my family about the dreamy well dressed doctor who tenderly cared for me during my moment of terror. My version would have had snakes in it though. 🐍 ✈️

                  last edited by 2 Mar 2023, 15:24 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                  • E
                    endo
                    見習いボス
                    Joined: 29 May 2020

                    haha, not dreamy well dressed I‘m afraid, and no snakes

                    si tacuisses

                    last edited by 2 Mar 2023, 15:29 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • I
                      IrishHeart
                      Haraki san Expert
                      Joined: 1 Mar 2023

                      Newbie here, so hopefully nobody offended by this one.

                      Sister Mary entered the Monastery of Silence. The Abbot said, “ sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so.”
                      Sister Mary lived in the monastery for 5 years before the abbot said to her, “ Sister Mary, you have been here for 5 years. You can speak two words.
                      Sister Mary said, “Hard bed.”
                      “Im sorry to hear that” the Abbot said, “we’ll get you a better bed.”
                      After 5 more years, Sister Mary was called by the Abbot. “ You may say another 2 words Sister”.
                      “ Cold food”, said Sister Mary. The Abbot assured her the food would be better in future.
                      On her 15th anniversary, the Abbot again called Sister Mary into his office. “ You may say 2 words today”.
                      “ I quit” said Sister Mary.
                      “It’s probably for the best” said the Abbot, “ you’ve done fuck all but moan since you’ve been here”.

                      last edited by 3 Mar 2023, 11:43 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 7
                      • G
                        Giles
                        IHUK Crew
                        Joined: 22 Sept 2009

                        Brilliant

                        "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

                        last edited by 3 Mar 2023, 11:48 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                        • A
                          Autorotate
                          Joined: 6 Feb 2021

                          (This may have been posted earlier)

                          All of my fake plants died… because I forgot to pretend to water them.
                          -Mitch Hedberg

                          I did a YouTube deep dive on some of his joke yesterday, and this is his most popular. King of the deadpan one-liners. He was absolutely brilliant. For a good laugh, I recommend searching some of his performances. Happy Friday!

                          last edited by 3 Mar 2023, 12:39 J 1 Reply Last reply 27 Mar 2023, 18:29 Reply Quote 2
                          • G
                            goosehd
                            Mod Squad
                            Joined: 8 Apr 2016

                            Hedberg always makes me laugh 😂 I think this is one of the one liners he is most known for:

                            "I don't give a shit what anyone else is doing, we will do what is best for us and our customers" - Giles P. :)

                            last edited by 3 Mar 2023, 12:43 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 2
                            • topic:timeago-later,22 days
                            • K
                              Kasi
                              見習いボス
                              Joined: 9 Oct 2014

                              @Matt

                              Taking English lessons 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

                              https://www.instagram.com/reel/Co423oxgmJh/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

                              The world's insane
                              While you drink champagne
                              And I'm livin' in black rain 4Q 🖕

                              last edited by 25 Mar 2023, 10:24 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                              • J
                                Jett129
                                見習いボス
                                @Autorotate
                                Joined: 17 Aug 2011

                                @Autorotate I'm a huge,huge really huge Mitch Hedbberg fan ,and over the years I've occasionally posted clips,and never got any response. Nice to see someone else posting about him. One of my favorites is... My friend said look at this picture of me when I was younger,I told him every picture of you is when you were younger!

                                last edited by Jett129 27 Mar 2023, 18:29 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
                                • S
                                  scarfmace
                                  Haraki san Expert
                                  Joined: 20 Feb 2015

                                  A guy changes jobs and on his first day, askes where you can get a full tank of gas at lowest price around the area. His co-worker Bill tells him there is a gas station no to far off, its not the cheapest but they run an incredible deal and he should check it out for sure.
                                  The guy follows directions and upon locating the station, he spots a huge sign that says: “Free sex here!”
                                  Intrigued, he stops, fills his car and enters the shop. Asking about the sign, the dude behind the counter explains: If you get a full tank of gas, you can enter a lottery, guess the right number between 1 and 10, and receive free sex. Our guy shouts out 7 but no luck, the correct number was 8.
                                  next week, same story, 3 when its 5 and so the story continues.
                                  After a couple months the two coworkers meet up again and our guy goes on a ramble telling Bill he thinks the gas station is a scam, he never ever got the numbers right.
                                  Impossible answers Bill, both my wife and my daughter win all the time!

                                  "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

                                  last edited by 28 Mar 2023, 12:23 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 2
                                  • K
                                    Kasi
                                    見習いボス
                                    Joined: 9 Oct 2014

                                    @Matt
                                    You doing good
                                    Math lesson

                                    https://www.instagram.com/reel/CnrWjnpBMTu/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

                                    The world's insane
                                    While you drink champagne
                                    And I'm livin' in black rain 4Q 🖕

                                    last edited by 28 Mar 2023, 20:30 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                    • J
                                      Jett129
                                      見習いボス
                                      Joined: 17 Aug 2011

                                      One of my favorites. Sites Mitch Hedberg as an influence.

                                      last edited by 29 Mar 2023, 00:51 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                      • K
                                        Kasi
                                        見習いボス
                                        Joined: 9 Oct 2014

                                        @Matt

                                        This one for you lesson 3

                                        🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

                                        https://www.instagram.com/reel/CnZJiKmpmAA/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

                                        If you need to lose weight do this

                                        https://www.instagram.com/reel/CoHzfVtjW_Y/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

                                        The world's insane
                                        While you drink champagne
                                        And I'm livin' in black rain 4Q 🖕

                                        last edited by Kasi 30 Mar 2023, 19:34 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                        • K
                                          Kasi
                                          見習いボス
                                          Joined: 9 Oct 2014

                                          🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 https://www.instagram.com/reel/CpeBXf7owSD/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=

                                          The world's insane
                                          While you drink champagne
                                          And I'm livin' in black rain 4Q 🖕

                                          last edited by 30 Mar 2023, 19:44 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                          630 out of 1226
                                          • First post
                                            630/1226
                                            Last post
                                          Copyright Iron Heart 2022.