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    Iron Heart Fall/Winter 2025 Collection Preview - Now Live

    That's Jokes

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    • GilesG
      Giles
      IHUK Crew
      Joined:

      hahahaha

      "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
      • neph93N
        neph93
        見習いボス
        Joined:

        That sounds very familiar. I have two teenagers and a twelve year old in my house, and while they will produce a lot of shite (especially the way they eat), it does not account for the serious toilet paper deficit.

        «Stevie Heighway on the wing!
        We had dreams, and songs to sing…»

        • Dame Vera Lynn
        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
        • ChrisC
          Chris
          Raw and Unwashed
          Joined:

          Do they do their own laundry?  Because it makes a world of difference when you don't have to explain why you're going through 15 pairs of socks per week.

          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
          • J
            Jett129
            見習いボス
            Joined:

            For all the cat lovers.

            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
            • scooterS
              scooter
              啓蒙家
              Joined:

              Too soon ?

              Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
              • steelworkerS
                steelworker
                見習いボス
                Joined:

                @scooter:

                Too soon ?

                😃 😃 😃

                Those are my principles, and if you don't like them…
                Well, I have others.

                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                • J
                  Jett129
                  見習いボス
                  Joined:

                  https://enewspaper.nydailynews.com/html5/mobile/production/default.aspx?edid=f77caacd-398c-47b2-a9e8-b332a4ebe272

                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                  • scooterS
                    scooter
                    啓蒙家
                    Joined:

                    Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • GilesG
                      Giles
                      IHUK Crew
                      Joined:

                      A young Portsmouth woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea, but just before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her:

                      "You have so much to live for." Said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

                      With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia, the woman accepted.

                      That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

                      "What are you doing here?" Asked the captain.

                      "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors." She replied. "He brings me food every day and I get a free trip to Australia."

                      "I see." The captain says.

                      Her conscience then got the best of her and she added. "Plus, he's screwing me."

                      "He certainly is." Replied the captain. "This is the Isle of Wight Ferry.."

                      "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                      • bryaneidins70B
                        bryaneidins70
                        Iron Heart Deity
                        Joined:

                        😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃

                        'Fail we may…Sail we must'

                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                        • ROmanR
                          ROman
                          Haraki san Prodigy
                          Joined:

                          That's really great. I'm still getting miles on the one about the 4 nuns. Over here though, to properly tell it I might have to change the ferry destination.

                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                          • ChrisC
                            Chris
                            Raw and Unwashed
                            Joined:

                            Staten Island ferry would probably be a good US analog.

                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                            • ROmanR
                              ROman
                              Haraki san Prodigy
                              Joined:

                              That was my guess….. 😃

                              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                              • J
                                Jett129
                                見習いボス
                                Joined:

                                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                • GilesG
                                  Giles
                                  IHUK Crew
                                  Joined:

                                  Guilty as charged….... 😃 😃 😃 😃

                                  "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

                                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                  • J
                                    Jett129
                                    見習いボス
                                    Joined:

                                    Couldn’t resist this one.

                                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                    • J
                                      Jett129
                                      見習いボス
                                      Joined:

                                      Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.. Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?' They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. 'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.' Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door.. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home..' 'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife. 'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher..

                                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                      • motojoboboM
                                        motojobobo
                                        啓蒙家
                                        Joined:

                                        The journey is the objective.

                                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                        • J
                                          Jett129
                                          見習いボス
                                          Joined:

                                          Here’s some relevant humor.

                                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                          • jordanscollectedJ
                                            jordanscollected
                                            啓蒙家
                                            Joined:

                                            My only original joke (that i can recall):

                                            Q:Why don't comedians like DiGiorno Pizza?

                                            A:Because jokes are all about the delivery!

                                            world tours:
                                            888 Fat guy chocolate WT
                                            Mad Red x2
                                            Wabidashery

                                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
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