That's Jokes
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Do they do their own laundry? Because it makes a world of difference when you don't have to explain why you're going through 15 pairs of socks per week.
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A young Portsmouth woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea, but just before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her:
"You have so much to live for." Said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia, the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" Asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors." She replied. "He brings me food every day and I get a free trip to Australia."
"I see." The captain says.
Her conscience then got the best of her and she added. "Plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is." Replied the captain. "This is the Isle of Wight Ferry.."
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That's really great. I'm still getting miles on the one about the 4 nuns. Over here though, to properly tell it I might have to change the ferry destination.
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Staten Island ferry would probably be a good US analog.
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That was my guess…..
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Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.. Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?' They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. 'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.' Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door.. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home..' 'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife. 'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher..
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My only original joke (that i can recall):
Q:Why don't comedians like DiGiorno Pizza?
A:Because jokes are all about the delivery!
