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    Iron Heart Fall/Winter 2025 Collection Preview - Now Live

    That's Jokes

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    • scooterS
      scooter
      啓蒙家
      Joined:

      Too soon ?

      Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
      • steelworkerS
        steelworker
        見習いボス
        Joined:

        @scooter:

        Too soon ?

        😃 😃 😃

        Those are my principles, and if you don't like them…
        Well, I have others.

        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
        • J
          Jett129
          見習いボス
          Joined:

          https://enewspaper.nydailynews.com/html5/mobile/production/default.aspx?edid=f77caacd-398c-47b2-a9e8-b332a4ebe272

          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
          • scooterS
            scooter
            啓蒙家
            Joined:

            Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
            • GilesG
              Giles
              IHUK Crew
              Joined:

              A young Portsmouth woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea, but just before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her:

              "You have so much to live for." Said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

              With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia, the woman accepted.

              That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

              "What are you doing here?" Asked the captain.

              "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors." She replied. "He brings me food every day and I get a free trip to Australia."

              "I see." The captain says.

              Her conscience then got the best of her and she added. "Plus, he's screwing me."

              "He certainly is." Replied the captain. "This is the Isle of Wight Ferry.."

              "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
              • bryaneidins70B
                bryaneidins70
                Iron Heart Deity
                Joined:

                😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃

                'Fail we may…Sail we must'

                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                • ROmanR
                  ROman
                  Haraki san Prodigy
                  Joined:

                  That's really great. I'm still getting miles on the one about the 4 nuns. Over here though, to properly tell it I might have to change the ferry destination.

                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                  • ChrisC
                    Chris
                    Raw and Unwashed
                    Joined:

                    Staten Island ferry would probably be a good US analog.

                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • ROmanR
                      ROman
                      Haraki san Prodigy
                      Joined:

                      That was my guess….. 😃

                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                      • J
                        Jett129
                        見習いボス
                        Joined:

                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                        • GilesG
                          Giles
                          IHUK Crew
                          Joined:

                          Guilty as charged….... 😃 😃 😃 😃

                          "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                          • J
                            Jett129
                            見習いボス
                            Joined:

                            Couldn’t resist this one.

                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                            • J
                              Jett129
                              見習いボス
                              Joined:

                              Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.. Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?' They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. 'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.' Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door.. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home..' 'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife. 'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher..

                              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                              • motojoboboM
                                motojobobo
                                啓蒙家
                                Joined:

                                The journey is the objective.

                                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                • J
                                  Jett129
                                  見習いボス
                                  Joined:

                                  Here’s some relevant humor.

                                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                  • jordanscollectedJ
                                    jordanscollected
                                    啓蒙家
                                    Joined:

                                    My only original joke (that i can recall):

                                    Q:Why don't comedians like DiGiorno Pizza?

                                    A:Because jokes are all about the delivery!

                                    world tours:
                                    888 Fat guy chocolate WT
                                    Mad Red x2
                                    Wabidashery

                                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                    • J
                                      Jett129
                                      見習いボス
                                      Joined:

                                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                      • J
                                        Jett129
                                        見習いボス
                                        Joined:

                                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                        • ROmanR
                                          ROman
                                          Haraki san Prodigy
                                          Joined:

                                          A woman goes into a tackle shop to buy a fishing rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.

                                          She doesn't know which one to get, so she just takes a mid priced one and goes over to the counter.

                                          The salesman is standing there wearing dark glasses.

                                          She says, excuse me. I'm looking for a gift for my 10 year old grandson and wonder whether this would be a good buy as his first rod/reel.

                                          He says Madam, I'm completely blind, but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.

                                          She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

                                          He says, that's a two metre Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 5-kg test line. It's a good all around combination, ideal for a first rod / reel and your in luck as it's on sale this week for only $43.99.

                                          She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it." As she opens her purse, she doesn't notice as her Visa card drops on the floor. Oh it sounds like you've dropped your credit card, says the salesman and it sounds to me like a Visa.

                                          Amazed by the acuity of his hearing she bends down to pick up the card and in doing so accidently farts. At first she is really embarrassed but then realizes there is no way the blind salesman could tell it was her who had farted.

                                          The salesman rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.48 please."

                                          The woman is totally confused by this and asks, Didn't you just tell me it was on sale for $43.99? How did it suddenly become $58.50?

                                          The salesman replies, The duck caller is $10.99 and the fish bait is $3.50.

                                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                          • gaseousclayG
                                            gaseousclay
                                            Joined:

                                            duck caller [emoji23]

                                            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                                            WTB:
                                            IHSH-129 size L (blue)
                                            IHSH-19

                                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
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