• Home
    • Recent
    • Calendar
    • Register
    • Login
    Iron Heart Forum
    Iron Heart Forum

    New Iron Heart Website - Live Now - Feedback and Bug Report Here Please!

    + SEUL'S WRITING TOPIC - MAINLY FOR GETTING ADVICE CAUSE HE'S AN INEPT TOOL +

    General Chat
    7
    24
    2.0k
    Loading More Posts
    • Oldest to Newest
    • Newest to Oldest
    • Most Votes
    Reply
    • Reply as topic
    Log in to reply
    This topic has been deleted. Only users with topic management privileges can see it.
    • neph93N
      neph93
      見習いボス
      Joined:

      @sabergirl:

      I like it! Looking forward to reading more.

      The only editorial note I have is that It feels more natural to say “face-down IN the parking lot”. You can use face-down ON the pavement, but the parking lot is the place you’re in, not the surface you’re on.

      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

      Agreed. Prepositions are a swine for non-native speakers (and some native speakers [emoji1]).

      “Some of those that work forces
      Are the same that burn crosses”

      • Virginia Woolf
      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
      • neph93N
        neph93
        見習いボス
        Joined:

        Also “incapable” and while “Alkie” is idiomatic, the preferred spelling is with a “k” not a “c”. So “incapable alkie”.

        “Some of those that work forces
        Are the same that burn crosses”

        • Virginia Woolf
        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
        • SeulS
          Seul
          Joined:

          Thank you, thank you ever so much. Alcie's a keeper though… It's me second language and somehow it feels more natural...

          More dribble... Main goal still is to move to Ireland soon, so I need this exercise!.. (IHxIreland: you hiring?..)

          George never was a great speaker. Throat cancer saw to that.

          Mark didn't understand Baudelaire. Or Verlaine, for that matter. The most romantic thing he'd ever done was suck off Terry at a picnic. Just then he realised he'd forgotten the strawberry jam. Oh how Mark loved the stuff! They made fun of his rather legendary appetite for jam at family parties… And there he was... With a throat full of cock and a soon to be dry piece of croissant.

          Swings and roundabouts.

          Martha never grew old. She died.

          The doctor realised he hadn't quite succeeded in putting Susan under, as she was strangling him with one hand, calling him a liar and an  incompetent fool, whilst reaching for anything that would, hopefully more succesfully, give him a tracheostomy, through which she'd feed him hornets... Who needs doctors. They're a dime a dozen, she thought, just before everything went black.

          And then woke up with just the one arm.

          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
          • GilesG
            Giles
            IHUK Crew
            Joined:

            Am now

            "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
            • ChrisC
              Chris
              Raw and Unwashed
              Joined:

              You going for English English or American English?  I ask because "whilst" and "tracheostomy" are much more common for UK English. Americans would generally use "while" and "tracheotomy".

              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
              • SeulS
                Seul
                Joined:

                I don't even acknowledge US English…

                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                • scarfmaceS
                  scarfmace
                  Haraki san Expert
                  Joined:

                  I don't understand, if his throat is full of cock and crosisant, how can the croissant suddenly get dry?  😉 😉

                  "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                  • ChrisC
                    Chris
                    Raw and Unwashed
                    Joined:

                    @Seul:

                    I don't even acknowledge US English…

                    The most reasonable position to take, really.

                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • SeulS
                      Seul
                      Joined:

                      @scarfmace:

                      I don't understand, if his throat is full of cock and crosisant, how can the croissant suddenly get dry?  😉 😉

                      Cause croissants don't come pre-cummed on.

                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                      • mclaincauseyM
                        mclaincausey
                        見習いボス
                        Joined:

                        "Alchie" reads more like what I think you're saying here than either other spelling IMO.

                        Have you tried cinnamon rolls?

                        Think it, be it.

                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                        • S
                          sabergirl
                          見習いボス
                          Joined:

                          @Seul:

                          Cause croissants don't come pre-cummed on.

                          I expect that depends on where you’re getting your croissants.

                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                          • neph93N
                            neph93
                            見習いボス
                            Joined:

                            @sabergirl:

                            @Seul:

                            Cause croissants don't come pre-cummed on.

                            I expect that depends on where you’re getting your croissants.

                            Do you know a place?  ???

                            “Some of those that work forces
                            Are the same that burn crosses”

                            • Virginia Woolf
                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                            • SeulS
                              Seul
                              Joined:

                              Some bad bad bad lines here that don't get the rhytm but I have no ego (except for my huge ego) so just go so just go go go look at my ego and and and looks over this won't you sweet 'tings do me this favour then…
                              (PS: all English in 'ere is very UK except for "yinz" which is my fav Southern US word next to POP...)

                              There's less air than liquor here. There's less need for air than liquor 'ere.

                              We are alive, sometimes it's all you got,
                              out and about, folk out loud or purposely not..
                              We are all sun and carbon, warmth, hate, love, soulful cloud dat!…
                              Cat's out there look!
                              SHOOK.
                              You's scared she'd fall three down haha she never will she never won't...
                              Meanwhile we'll die of cancer or misinterpreting the weather.
                              Miserable bastards us cunts.

                              There's folk here... Good folk bad folk yinz who care
                              folk who don't folk in all colourz
                              folk white folk brown folk black folk yella
                              YELLA?
                              Shit sorry her liver's giving out I ain't even trying to be woke, folk.
                              Talk.

                              ... There's folk here... They'se a ruckus or ain''t... Daily lives – always there -
                              And the cats don't love 'm... I get cats better than men. Cats shy from everyone – it's good advice.

                              There's weather here. And drinks. There's always weather Heather innit bin it there's always drinks stinks bin it. Finnit. Yeah you got that'un. Good. Finish it.

                              We need God as little as he needs us.

                              We need goodness as little s'we deserve it.

                              We could do better as us should. But we don't so we don't deserve it. Serve it. Couldn't dish a colder platter even if you freezed it.

                              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                              • S
                                sabergirl
                                見習いボス
                                Joined:

                                @Seul:

                                Cats shy from everyone – it's good advice.

                                Love this line.

                                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                • SeulS
                                  Seul
                                  Joined:

                                  Turns out I love queer girls - must explain my succes in love.

                                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                  • S
                                    sabergirl
                                    見習いボス
                                    Joined:

                                    [emoji8]

                                    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                    • SeulS
                                      Seul
                                      Joined:

                                      Sorry I'm in a bad way… Yinz needa deal... I think this is better?..

                                      There's less air than liquor here.
                                      Lesser liquor as air is 'ere.
                                      is
                                      Lesser need for the blesser
                                      is
                                      then
                                      As us never forgave
                                      just gave and GAVE
                                      Might 've dug us own grave.

                                      BLESS.

                                      Us
                                      Mostly dead, beat; sometimes it's all you got,
                                      out and 'bout, folk living loud or purposely not
                                      Yinz all sun and carbon, warmth and love
                                      ever glowful moon dat

                                      SHIT!

                                      Cat's out there look!

                                      SHOOK!

                                      You's scared she'd fall three down
                                      haha she never will she never won't…
                                      Meanwhile us is dying til we can't or don't
                                      Miserable lot us cunt
                                      Best gi's another litter of them cute runt.

                                      THEN.

                                      There's folk here...
                                      Good folk bad folk yinz who care
                                      Folk them joke
                                      folk who's felt
                                      folk who scare
                                      folk who don't
                                      folks them won't
                                      more colourz
                                      'Benetton ad

                                      TALK.

                                      Some's a ruckus but I won't
                                      Daily fight – even cats tire
                                      I get them better than men.
                                      They shy from all us folk –
                                      instinct which I admire.

                                      There's weather here..
                                      There's weather here.
                                      It gets repetitive.

                                      REPEAT.

                                      There's always weather Heather innit bin it
                                      there's always drinks '
                                      'n drinks
                                      'n tinks 'n finks
                                      but
                                      Bin it. Finnit.
                                      Yeah you got that'un.

                                      FINISH.

                                      We need God as little as he needs us.
                                      Fuss.

                                      We could do better as us should. But we don't so we DESERVE.
                                      .
                                      Swerve.

                                      Couldn't dish a plate colder if a Kardashian served it.

                                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                      • SeulS
                                        Seul
                                        Joined:

                                        Don't even read this. 4.28 am and I don't even know if I'm alive.

                                        How life begins! At 7am it bursts open like a festering wound!
                                        Cars! Voices! Families! Look at that young pigeon skyrocketing!.. Bloody Nasa that thing!.. And me looking at it with bloodshot eyes.
                                        It is what it is. Always. As I say to myself and thus know.That fucking pigeon has more direction than me. And is a damn lot more smarter as is I.

                                        7am! The howls! The cries! The moans! As if everything's born again! Everyone's conceiving! Birth of mind sun planets universe – and a shitload of pigeons. Can't even hold on to those. They're smarter than I am - at 7am they scatter.

                                        The world! It awakens! Again! It's never been gone, some know some don't… It just takes one look... But alas! We live on a planet of the blind! Never a blink, just an exhausted weary  sigh. Not even a one eyed king just a fool. And we all seem to take after 'im. Except for the pigeons.

                                        The uproar!.. It shatters my world! Silence, darkness! Slumber! Fantasies by the millions! A life I'll never have! Rain? Please, please lord I'm not a religious man but can you please put on my favourite soundtrack!.. Wake the worms hell wake me up... And trap me once more into this godfall of a day starting.

                                        Once more. One last goddamn time.

                                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                        • S
                                          sabergirl
                                          見習いボス
                                          Joined:


                                          Not sure how well Tapatalk plays with the forum these days, but if it works, enjoy this fucking pigeon seeing into your soul, Eli.

                                          Otherwise the 404 broken gif link will have to do.

                                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                          • SeulS
                                            Seul
                                            Joined:

                                            Scariest thing I've ever seen  😃 😃 😃 (But yeah: oi you know… Thanks for being here for me sub!.. It ain't nothing... It's a ton if you're in a bad way...)

                                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                            • First post
                                              Last post
                                            Copyright Iron Heart 2022.