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That's Jokes

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  • G
    Giles
    IHUK Crew
    Joined: 22 Sept 2009

    My fave one-liner of all time.

    Nancy Reagan has had so many face lifts, she's got a goatie….....

    "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

    last edited by 12 Feb 2011, 14:07 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
    • G
      Geo
      Joined: 29 Sept 2010

      It's great how Seul has totally given us all some great fun with him wearing skirts and all - so we should be grateful he's with us at all after recovering from some serious injuries . . .

      It all happened a while back when I had said to him I had made quite a bit of money selling bear skins

      He said to me "isn't it a bit dangerous going after the bears?"

      I said "no, not really - you just hunt in the winter when they are hibernating"

      "what do you mean?" he said

      "well, you just follow the tracks into the cave where they're sleeping . . . and bang, no problem"

      "sounds good" said Seul "plus I need some more IH gear - think I'll give it a try"

      I heard nothing of him for a few months, then I heard he'd just got out of hospital after being bandaged and plastered from head to toe

      I said "what the hell happened to you?"

      He said "well I did what you said . . . followed the tracks into a big dark cave . . . but I've still no idea where that train came from . . ."

      Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

      last edited by 19 Feb 2011, 15:50 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
      • S
        Seul
        Joined: 24 Nov 2009

        @Geo:

        It's great how Seul has totally given us all some great fun with him wearing skirts and all - so we should be grateful he's with us at all after recovering from some serious injuries . . .

        It all happened a while back when I had said to him I had made quite a bit of money selling bear skins

        He said to me "isn't it a bit dangerous going after the bears?"

        I said "no, not really - you just hunt in the winter when they are hibernating"

        "what do you mean?" he said

        "well, you just follow the tracks into the cave where they're sleeping . . . and bang, no problem"

        "sounds good" said Seul "plus I need some more IH gear - think I'll give it a try"

        I heard nothing of him for a few months, then I heard he'd just got out of hospital after being bandaged and plastered from head to toe

        I said "what the hell happened to you?"

        He said "well I did what you said . . . followed the tracks into a big dark cave . . . but I've still no idea where that train came from . . ."

        😉

        last edited by 19 Feb 2011, 15:57 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
        • L
          Loveyuer
          Joined: 28 Jan 2011

          Humerous, quite laughing

          Yesterday is the deadline of all complaints
          http://www.ledstripsuppliers.com/
          Professional LED strip supplier for you , contact me on facebook
          Michael Lv

          last edited by 11 Mar 2011, 01:53 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
          • F
            Finn666
            Joined: 20 Jan 2011

            Too good Geo :D…

            last edited by 11 Mar 2011, 09:10 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
            • D
              D97x7
              Joined: 7 Oct 2010

              Excellent Geo

              last edited by 11 Mar 2011, 09:57 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
              • G
                Geo
                Joined: 29 Sept 2010

                ok so you all know how awesome injunjack is on the WAYCT thread? well just found out he used to run a little restaurant which sadly failed  😞

                basically he opened up a place that didn't have a fixed menu as such - the USP was that the customer could order any food combo he or she wanted and if the kitchen couldn't supply it within reasonble cooking time then IJ would pay the customer $100,000 cash

                well this little place went great guns for weeks . . . cooking and selling weird and wonderful dishes to all that ordered . . . in fact IJ's fame spread far and wide

                then one day nemesis visited the place

                IJ came out, complimented Nem on his jawns and took his order:

                'elephant's ears on toast' said Nem
                'no problem' answered IJ

                so off he scurried back into the kitchen . . .

                moments later there was the sound of pots crashing off walls and some less than muffled swearing, then IJ came out of the kitchen, straightened himself out and walked up to Nem's table

                'i am sorry to say we cannot provide you with your dinner - please take this cash and leave my restaurant' said IJ
                Nem laughed  'ha! i knew you wouldn't have elephant's ears!'
                IJ  'nope . . . it wasn't that'
                Nem  'then why are you paying up?'
                IJ  'we ran out of bread . . . .'

                Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 16:51 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                • S
                  Seul
                  Joined: 24 Nov 2009

                  😉

                  last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:04 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                  • I
                    injunjack
                    見習いボス
                    Joined: 19 Feb 2010

                    😃 😉 🙂

                    last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:15 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • B
                      bertoni
                      Joined: 17 Oct 2010

                      Chap goes into a greasy spoon and the geezer behind the counter asks what he wants.

                      "I'll have a full english please mate…but I want the fried egg burnt to a crisp on the bottom and hard in the middle and totally raw on top. I'd like the bacon so crispy that it flies all over the place as soon as I put me fork in it. I'd like the sausages hard and chewy on the outside but uncooked and pink on the inside, the fried bread so black it tastes of coal and the tomatoes ....

                      Bloke behind the counter: Hold up hold up! I ain't got time to do all that!"

                      Customer: "Well you fuckin found time yesterday!"

                      last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:23 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                      • G
                        Geo
                        Joined: 29 Sept 2010

                        😉

                        that was IJ's first effort . . .

                        Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                        last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:29 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                        • S
                          Seul
                          Joined: 24 Nov 2009

                          When the elephant was still cooking…

                          last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:30 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                          • G
                            Geo
                            Joined: 29 Sept 2010

                            . . . well they do take a little bit more time . . .

                            Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                            last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:33 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                            • ?
                              Guest
                              Joined:

                              cool joke Geo,,, 😉

                              last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:37 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                              • S
                                Seul
                                Joined: 24 Nov 2009

                                @Geo:

                                . . . well they do take a little bit more time . . .

                                You try making an omelette with a trunk…

                                last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:39 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                • ?
                                  Guest
                                  Joined:

                                  nah Seul,,you need eggs

                                  last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:43 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                  • S
                                    Seul
                                    Joined: 24 Nov 2009

                                    Oh everyone's a comedian here innit!..  😉

                                    last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:48 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                    • ?
                                      Guest
                                      Joined:

                                      well its a joke page ,,so in fer a penny m8
                                      😉

                                      last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:57 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                      • ?
                                        Guest
                                        Joined:

                                        my attempt,,what can run down corridors ,,but cant turn corners,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

                                        a nun with a javelin thru her head
                                        😉

                                        last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 18:08 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                        • ?
                                          Guest
                                          Joined:

                                          Seul and Geo sitting on a park bench on a blazin hot day,,,a female streaker jogs past,,,Seul has a stroke,,,,,Geo couldnt reach 😉

                                          last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 18:20 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
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