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That's Jokes

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  • G
    gollotti
    Joined: 26 Jan 2011

    @Chris:

    One of my favorites is truly horrible:

    Why did the Indian chief get buried on the side of the hill?

    Because he was dead.

    As I said, truly horrible.

    This is just as good as my simple favorite joke:

    Why did the Monkey fall out of the tree?  Because it was dead

    Then you have the dead guy series:

    What do you call a dead guy by a doorway….Matt
    What do you call a dead guy floating on the water....Bob
    What do you call a dead guy being thrown from a train....Chuck
    What do you call a dead guy hanging from the wall....Art

    last edited by 2 Nov 2011, 23:26 11 Feb 2011, 23:08 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
    • G
      Giles
      IHUK Crew
      Joined: 22 Sept 2009

      My fave one-liner of all time.

      Nancy Reagan has had so many face lifts, she's got a goatie….....

      "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

      last edited by 12 Feb 2011, 14:07 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
      • G
        Geo
        Joined: 29 Sept 2010

        It's great how Seul has totally given us all some great fun with him wearing skirts and all - so we should be grateful he's with us at all after recovering from some serious injuries . . .

        It all happened a while back when I had said to him I had made quite a bit of money selling bear skins

        He said to me "isn't it a bit dangerous going after the bears?"

        I said "no, not really - you just hunt in the winter when they are hibernating"

        "what do you mean?" he said

        "well, you just follow the tracks into the cave where they're sleeping . . . and bang, no problem"

        "sounds good" said Seul "plus I need some more IH gear - think I'll give it a try"

        I heard nothing of him for a few months, then I heard he'd just got out of hospital after being bandaged and plastered from head to toe

        I said "what the hell happened to you?"

        He said "well I did what you said . . . followed the tracks into a big dark cave . . . but I've still no idea where that train came from . . ."

        Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

        last edited by 19 Feb 2011, 15:50 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
        • S
          Seul
          Joined: 24 Nov 2009

          @Geo:

          It's great how Seul has totally given us all some great fun with him wearing skirts and all - so we should be grateful he's with us at all after recovering from some serious injuries . . .

          It all happened a while back when I had said to him I had made quite a bit of money selling bear skins

          He said to me "isn't it a bit dangerous going after the bears?"

          I said "no, not really - you just hunt in the winter when they are hibernating"

          "what do you mean?" he said

          "well, you just follow the tracks into the cave where they're sleeping . . . and bang, no problem"

          "sounds good" said Seul "plus I need some more IH gear - think I'll give it a try"

          I heard nothing of him for a few months, then I heard he'd just got out of hospital after being bandaged and plastered from head to toe

          I said "what the hell happened to you?"

          He said "well I did what you said . . . followed the tracks into a big dark cave . . . but I've still no idea where that train came from . . ."

          😉

          last edited by 19 Feb 2011, 15:57 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
          • L
            Loveyuer
            Joined: 28 Jan 2011

            Humerous, quite laughing

            Yesterday is the deadline of all complaints
            http://www.ledstripsuppliers.com/
            Professional LED strip supplier for you , contact me on facebook
            Michael Lv

            last edited by 11 Mar 2011, 01:53 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
            • F
              Finn666
              Joined: 20 Jan 2011

              Too good Geo :D…

              last edited by 11 Mar 2011, 09:10 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
              • D
                D97x7
                Joined: 7 Oct 2010

                Excellent Geo

                last edited by 11 Mar 2011, 09:57 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                • G
                  Geo
                  Joined: 29 Sept 2010

                  ok so you all know how awesome injunjack is on the WAYCT thread? well just found out he used to run a little restaurant which sadly failed  😞

                  basically he opened up a place that didn't have a fixed menu as such - the USP was that the customer could order any food combo he or she wanted and if the kitchen couldn't supply it within reasonble cooking time then IJ would pay the customer $100,000 cash

                  well this little place went great guns for weeks . . . cooking and selling weird and wonderful dishes to all that ordered . . . in fact IJ's fame spread far and wide

                  then one day nemesis visited the place

                  IJ came out, complimented Nem on his jawns and took his order:

                  'elephant's ears on toast' said Nem
                  'no problem' answered IJ

                  so off he scurried back into the kitchen . . .

                  moments later there was the sound of pots crashing off walls and some less than muffled swearing, then IJ came out of the kitchen, straightened himself out and walked up to Nem's table

                  'i am sorry to say we cannot provide you with your dinner - please take this cash and leave my restaurant' said IJ
                  Nem laughed  'ha! i knew you wouldn't have elephant's ears!'
                  IJ  'nope . . . it wasn't that'
                  Nem  'then why are you paying up?'
                  IJ  'we ran out of bread . . . .'

                  Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                  last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 16:51 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                  • S
                    Seul
                    Joined: 24 Nov 2009

                    😉

                    last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:04 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • I
                      injunjack
                      見習いボス
                      Joined: 19 Feb 2010

                      😃 😉 🙂

                      last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:15 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                      • B
                        bertoni
                        Joined: 17 Oct 2010

                        Chap goes into a greasy spoon and the geezer behind the counter asks what he wants.

                        "I'll have a full english please mate…but I want the fried egg burnt to a crisp on the bottom and hard in the middle and totally raw on top. I'd like the bacon so crispy that it flies all over the place as soon as I put me fork in it. I'd like the sausages hard and chewy on the outside but uncooked and pink on the inside, the fried bread so black it tastes of coal and the tomatoes ....

                        Bloke behind the counter: Hold up hold up! I ain't got time to do all that!"

                        Customer: "Well you fuckin found time yesterday!"

                        last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:23 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                        • G
                          Geo
                          Joined: 29 Sept 2010

                          😉

                          that was IJ's first effort . . .

                          Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                          last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:29 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                          • S
                            Seul
                            Joined: 24 Nov 2009

                            When the elephant was still cooking…

                            last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:30 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                            • G
                              Geo
                              Joined: 29 Sept 2010

                              . . . well they do take a little bit more time . . .

                              Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                              last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:33 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                              • ?
                                Guest
                                Joined:

                                cool joke Geo,,, 😉

                                last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:37 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                • S
                                  Seul
                                  Joined: 24 Nov 2009

                                  @Geo:

                                  . . . well they do take a little bit more time . . .

                                  You try making an omelette with a trunk…

                                  last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:39 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                  • ?
                                    Guest
                                    Joined:

                                    nah Seul,,you need eggs

                                    last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:43 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                    • S
                                      Seul
                                      Joined: 24 Nov 2009

                                      Oh everyone's a comedian here innit!..  😉

                                      last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:48 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                      • ?
                                        Guest
                                        Joined:

                                        well its a joke page ,,so in fer a penny m8
                                        😉

                                        last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 17:57 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                        • ?
                                          Guest
                                          Joined:

                                          my attempt,,what can run down corridors ,,but cant turn corners,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

                                          a nun with a javelin thru her head
                                          😉

                                          last edited by 13 Apr 2011, 18:08 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
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