That's Jokes
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Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.. Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?' They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. 'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.' Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door.. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home..' 'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife. 'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher..
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My only original joke (that i can recall):
Q:Why don't comedians like DiGiorno Pizza?
A:Because jokes are all about the delivery!
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A woman goes into a tackle shop to buy a fishing rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.
She doesn't know which one to get, so she just takes a mid priced one and goes over to the counter.
The salesman is standing there wearing dark glasses.
She says, excuse me. I'm looking for a gift for my 10 year old grandson and wonder whether this would be a good buy as his first rod/reel.
He says Madam, I'm completely blind, but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, that's a two metre Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 5-kg test line. It's a good all around combination, ideal for a first rod / reel and your in luck as it's on sale this week for only $43.99.
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it." As she opens her purse, she doesn't notice as her Visa card drops on the floor. Oh it sounds like you've dropped your credit card, says the salesman and it sounds to me like a Visa.
Amazed by the acuity of his hearing she bends down to pick up the card and in doing so accidently farts. At first she is really embarrassed but then realizes there is no way the blind salesman could tell it was her who had farted.
The salesman rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.48 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, Didn't you just tell me it was on sale for $43.99? How did it suddenly become $58.50?
The salesman replies, The duck caller is $10.99 and the fish bait is $3.50.
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duck caller [emoji23]
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time & decided that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to
share office space…Dr.Smith was a psychiatrist & Dr.Jones
was a Proctologist (related to colon, anus)They put up a sign reading
Dr.Smith & Dr.Jones
Hysterias & PosteriorsThe town council was livid and insisted they change it.
So, the docs changed
it to read
Schizoids & HaemorrhoidsThis was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign to
Catatonics and High Colonics- no go.
Next, they tried...
Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives- thumbs down again.
Then came..
Minds and Behinds- still no good.
Another attempt resulted in...
Lost Souls & Butt Holes
-unacceptable again!So they tried
Analysis & Anal Cysts- not a chance
Nuts and Butts
- no way
Freaks and Cheeks
- still no good
Loons and Moons
- forget it!
Almost at their wits end, the docs finally came up with:
Dr.Smith & Dr.Jones
Specializing in Odds & Ends.Everyone loved it.
