That's Jokes
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Thought this would be ideal for this time of year
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Nice, like that sketch.
I just googled "world's best joke", apparently it is this:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
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This is a good Russian joke that I like (you can substitute any names you like of course):
"An intelligence test was conducted among the OMON (Russian Special forces) involving various sized round holes and square pegs. The conclusion states that the OMON can be divided into two groups: very dumb and VERY strong…"
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One of my favorites is truly horrible:
Why did the Indian chief get buried on the side of the hill?
Because he was dead.
As I said, truly horrible.
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One of my favorites is truly horrible:
Why did the Indian chief get buried on the side of the hill?
Because he was dead.
As I said, truly horrible.
This is just as good as my simple favorite joke:
Why did the Monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead
Then you have the dead guy series:
What do you call a dead guy by a doorway….Matt
What do you call a dead guy floating on the water....Bob
What do you call a dead guy being thrown from a train....Chuck
What do you call a dead guy hanging from the wall....Art -
It's great how Seul has totally given us all some great fun with him wearing skirts and all - so we should be grateful he's with us at all after recovering from some serious injuries . . .
It all happened a while back when I had said to him I had made quite a bit of money selling bear skins
He said to me "isn't it a bit dangerous going after the bears?"
I said "no, not really - you just hunt in the winter when they are hibernating"
"what do you mean?" he said
"well, you just follow the tracks into the cave where they're sleeping . . . and bang, no problem"
"sounds good" said Seul "plus I need some more IH gear - think I'll give it a try"
I heard nothing of him for a few months, then I heard he'd just got out of hospital after being bandaged and plastered from head to toe
I said "what the hell happened to you?"
He said "well I did what you said . . . followed the tracks into a big dark cave . . . but I've still no idea where that train came from . . ."
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@Geo:
It's great how Seul has totally given us all some great fun with him wearing skirts and all - so we should be grateful he's with us at all after recovering from some serious injuries . . .
It all happened a while back when I had said to him I had made quite a bit of money selling bear skins
He said to me "isn't it a bit dangerous going after the bears?"
I said "no, not really - you just hunt in the winter when they are hibernating"
"what do you mean?" he said
"well, you just follow the tracks into the cave where they're sleeping . . . and bang, no problem"
"sounds good" said Seul "plus I need some more IH gear - think I'll give it a try"
I heard nothing of him for a few months, then I heard he'd just got out of hospital after being bandaged and plastered from head to toe
I said "what the hell happened to you?"
He said "well I did what you said . . . followed the tracks into a big dark cave . . . but I've still no idea where that train came from . . ."
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ok so you all know how awesome injunjack is on the WAYCT thread? well just found out he used to run a little restaurant which sadly failed
basically he opened up a place that didn't have a fixed menu as such - the USP was that the customer could order any food combo he or she wanted and if the kitchen couldn't supply it within reasonble cooking time then IJ would pay the customer $100,000 cash
well this little place went great guns for weeks . . . cooking and selling weird and wonderful dishes to all that ordered . . . in fact IJ's fame spread far and wide
then one day nemesis visited the place
IJ came out, complimented Nem on his jawns and took his order:
'elephant's ears on toast' said Nem
'no problem' answered IJso off he scurried back into the kitchen . . .
moments later there was the sound of pots crashing off walls and some less than muffled swearing, then IJ came out of the kitchen, straightened himself out and walked up to Nem's table
'i am sorry to say we cannot provide you with your dinner - please take this cash and leave my restaurant' said IJ
Nem laughed 'ha! i knew you wouldn't have elephant's ears!'
IJ 'nope . . . it wasn't that'
Nem 'then why are you paying up?'
IJ 'we ran out of bread . . . .' -
Chap goes into a greasy spoon and the geezer behind the counter asks what he wants.
"I'll have a full english please mate…but I want the fried egg burnt to a crisp on the bottom and hard in the middle and totally raw on top. I'd like the bacon so crispy that it flies all over the place as soon as I put me fork in it. I'd like the sausages hard and chewy on the outside but uncooked and pink on the inside, the fried bread so black it tastes of coal and the tomatoes ....
Bloke behind the counter: Hold up hold up! I ain't got time to do all that!"
Customer: "Well you fuckin found time yesterday!"
