Parenting
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So I noticed we don't have a thread about this topic yet. As a new dad, I thought I'd start a place for tips, tricks, wisdom, questions, support, hive-mind consultation, showing off what your little-one(s) have got up to lately, or just having somewhere to post at 3am when they've decided they don't feel well and have just projectile vomited all over your head and you'd rather not just scream into the void.
I'll kick things off with a tip that I picked up lately, which sounds good but Baby H is only 4 months old so I haven't had the chance to test it out yet:
When necessary, give them punishments that make them better. Don't just send them to their room. Make them write an apology letter if they have wronged someone. Set them a useful chore, and then teach them a new skill in the doing of it. Get them to memorise a times-table. This will keep them busy - preventing further trouble - and might just make them a slightly better person afterwards.
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I have a slightly different opinion on that. We don’t like to associate responsibilities with punitive actions. We try not to have them relate things like homework or folding laundry with punishment because we don’t want to encourage negative connotations with those things. Just my $.02 thigh. Show me ten parents and I’ll show you 30 different parenting strategies. And none of them work. Just buckle up and hang on.
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There’s no script of being the perfect daddy. But this place here for us IH daddies is a nice one @EdH so thanks for starting this! The‘re are house-rules for us as family and that all starts with respect. Also, they way we see it is that every kid had it’s own mindset and as parents you’ll have to find the right trigger. There is not only 1 option for punishment or for victories.. my eldest daughter had a total other view on things then my youngest one. And part of the fun is that i have to get to know them. If i form them the way i want them to be they never learn to be there selves and as i speak out of experience.. being yourself is the best treasure you’ll can ever find on the roadmap of life. But like @Matt said put 10 fathers in 1 room and you’ll get 11 answers but that’s part of the fun! Sharing is caring
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^Exactly why I started this board! Good points both.
Maybe the emphasis should have been on the teaching of the new skill, rather than the chore. I wasn't thinking everyday housework so much as re-painting the fence or having them help out with some other DIY that needs doing. I know when I was a kid I'd have viewed that as a punishment, but now I'm a homeowner there's all sorts of stupid shit around the house that I wish I knew how to do!
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If you just need some time alone, tell your kids that you're in time out and you'll be back in 10 minutes.
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Even the best we’ll laid plans will fall apart at a moments notice with no chance for a predictable outcome.
Every action has an equal or opposite reaction.
There are good, great, and pretty shitty days at being a parent. Take a breath before you lose your temper, walk outside, and reevaluate the circumstances. Most of the time they don’t know what they’ve done and it’s our job to teach them.
"I don't give a shit what anyone else is doing, we will do what is best for us and our customers" - Giles P. :)
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Good stuff guys. I like @chrisjohnnick ’s timeout strategy. I usually go in time out when I can sense I’m about to lose my shit. If I need to escape I hide in the bathroom with my phone.
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@EdH Thanks for this thread and already some great stuff here. I’ll put my thinking cap on if I can find it and make an effort to contribute. I can almost remember some good advice. For now I’ll paraphrase Mike Tyson…”everyone has a plan until they get hit in the mouth.” That’s pretty much been my parenting experience.
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Mrs H read somewhere that they go through a ‘developmental leap’ at around 4 months of age, which involves their circadian rhythm resetting…
My evening has involved endlessly rocking the baby to renditions of ‘The Last Shanty’, which is a surprisingly effective lullaby (shame the sleeping afterwards only lasts for 2 minutes at a time).
But in my head was Sam L Jackson:
Ooop, she’s up again. 🥱
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Probably the best advice I can come up with is to be yourself, carry yourself with dignity and a respect for others, and don’t be an arse (all of the time).
Kids learn a lot by watching and want to emulate the ones that they love. Be that person and don’t be afraid to say I am wrong .
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@goosehd Doesn’t get better than this in the parenting advice department. One thing I’ll add is that being a parent is almost as much about you relearning who you are and what you stand for as it is about “raising” the child. The self reflection gets intense…at least it has for me. But like Denis said, the modeling is where it’s at. Which is hilarious because by design they can bring out the worst in you.
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The Sleep Easy Solution is what we used. Think she’ll need a little more time, 4 mos is too early for the intense stuff where they cry it out for a couple nights. It was tough but totally worth it. The book should have different strategies for different ages.
