That's Jokes
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I've been following this guy for a little while. His live act is very angry, reminds me of Sam Kinison.
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This guy was offered the same contract, but turned it down.
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An alien comes to the Earth and everyone wants to meet him,talk to him and ask him questions. The UN sets up a conference,inviting all the great minds of the world. When it’s The Pope’s turn he asks the alien…Have you heard of our Lord Savior Jesus Christ? The alien says absolutely,he comes to visit us every couple of years. The Pope,shocked,says We’ve been waiting over 2,000 years for him to come back. The alien says it must be the party. What party says The Pope? Every time he comes we have a big party with food,wine,singing and dancing. What did you guys do?
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They did have a supper
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A beloved cunt, even.
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Andy Burnham is visiting a school and sitting in on an English lesson. The pupils are learning about tragedy.
"Who here can give me an example of a tragedy then" says Andy, feeling cheery.
One hand goes up, and the boy proffers "If my father was driving his tractor and ran over our dog, that would be a tragedy".
"Not so" says Andy. "That would be an accident, for sure, but not a tragedy."
A second hand goes up, and a girl volunteers "If a bus carrying fifty children went careering off a cliff and they all died, that would be a tragedy".
"No" says Andy, inwardly resolving to reassess the English curriculum. "That would be a great loss, but not a tragedy."
No hands go up this time, until finally, Little Jimmy pipes up "If you were in your plane with your deputy, Prime Minister, and our own military shoots you with a missile and blows you to tiny bits, that would be a tragedy."
"YES!" says Andy, delighted that one pupil appears to have learned something. "And can you tell me why?"
"Well" says Little Jimmy, "It wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident either!"
