That's Jokes

[Jett129]

@scooter That’s great,looking forward to his special,as I’m a big fan. In the beginning of this video I’m not quite sure he understands what Joe Rogan is talking about, but what he says about the history of laughter is brilliant.

[scooter]

[Giles]

[scarfmace]

give it a couple more minutes...

[Brian]

I’m a huge fan of Jimmy Carr saw him about 10 times in the uk and each time he comes to OZ I make sure to go
Last time he was over I took the sister and brother in law half expecting a walk out but they are converts now

[Giles]

[Matt]

I know I have a bear costume around here somewhere…

[IrishHeart]

I think I might wear a Paddington Bear costume next time Kylie is touring.

[Matt]

My daughter said she wanted to tell me a story in the car on the way to school this morning (4th gr) and it started like this…

So the smartest man in the world, a priest and a 5 yr old boy are on a plane that’s about to crash when the pilot announces it’s about to crash…

My immediate response was but it ended up ok.

[Jett129]

@Matt Sounds like the joke where there aren’t enough parachutes and the priest tells the boy to take it and he says we can both go because the smartest man in the world just took my backpack.

[Matt]

Fortunately that’s how it ended.

[scarfmace]

I don't get it?

[Jett129]

@scarfmace The original joke was a Rabbi,a Hippie and Henry Kissinger were on a plane,when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash,they’re short one parachute,grabs a parachute and jumps. Henry KIssinger says I’m important to national security, I’m the smartest man in the world,I have to survive,grabs a parachute and jumps. The Rabbi turns to the hippie and says I’m an old man I’ve lived a full life you take the last parachute. To which the Hippie says No way, we can both go. The astonished Rabbi asks What do you mean? And the hippie replies…Well the smartest man in the world just took my backpack. I thought this was where Matt was going with his daughter’s story when they were in the car.

[Matt]

And I thought, as any red blooded atheist rightly would, that the punchline was going to involve an inappropriate relationship between the priest and the 5 yr old. I’m really glad I was wrong.

[scarfmace]

Ah gotcha! I misread the backpack part.

[endo]

@Jett129 said in That's Jokes:

The original joke was a Rabbi,a Hippie and Henry Kissinger

There are versions around here with the Pope and Berlusconi, or Trump. Obviously that joke's been around for some time if it dates back to Kissinger.

[endo]

[steelworker]

[EdH]

3 guys - a redhead, a blonde and a guy with black hair, are working construction in NYC, sitting on a girder high above the city streets, having their lunch.
The redhead opens his lunch, sighs heavily, and says "If my wife makes me another goddamn Reuben sandwich, I'm going to jump I swear to God."
The blonde opens his, also sighs, and says "Goddamn bologna again! If I have to eat one more of these, I'll jump with you!"
The black haired guy opens up his sandwich, sees what it is, and says "Another fucking tuna melt from my wife, and I'll jump too!"
The next day, sure enough, the redhead has got a Reuben, so he leaps from the girder. The blonde sees that his is bologna, so he takes a leap too. And the guy with black hair takes the plunge after seeing that he has another tuna melt.
The construction company agrees to pay for the funerals of its workers, but does them all at once to save some cash.
Standing by as the coffins are being lowered into the ground, the readhead's wife breaks down and yells "If only I had been more inspired in my cooking, maybe he wouldn't have jumped!"
The wife of the black haired guy wails "I should have introduced some variety! It's my fault he's dead!"
They both then turn to the wife of the blonde, who looks back at them and says "What are you looking at me for? He packed his own lunches!"

[Giles]

Kerboom....