That's Jokes
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A guy gets stranded on a desert island with Jennifer Lawrence.
Time passes, and they're getting on, and eventually the guy works up the courage to ask if she doesn't mind making their relationship physical.
J-Law appreciates that they both have needs, and he's a nice guy, so she agrees, and they start having sex casually.
Things are going well when, one day, the man sheepishly asks J-Law if he can make a strange request.
"Can I borrow your eye-liner?" he asks. She agrees and hands it over.
"Do you mind if I draw a moustache on you?" he asks. J-Law feels a little put out, but agrees, and he draws a big, bushy moustache on her face.
The guy goes on: "Could you pull your hair back, and put on my clothes?" he asks. Jenny is starting to feel uncomfortable, but he hasn't asked her to do anything any actor wouldn't do yet, so she agrees to this too.
Once she is dressed, he continues: "Do you mind if I call you Phil?"
J-Law thinks she's worked out what the guy's problem is now, and she is sympathetic to his needs, so she agrees: "Yes, you can call me Phil."
The guy suddenly rushes up to her and grabs her by the shoulders, yelling "Phil, you will not believe who I'm fucking!" -
This is not a political post, so FFS don't get your knickers in a twist, but I found it hilarious.
From one of the Quora feeds I follow:
Would Russian nuclear weapons actually work?
Tritium is one of the most expensive, commercially available substances on earth. Currently, it trades for around $30K USD per gram. Why? You need a breeder reactor to make it.
The odds that the officers in charge of the Russian strategic rocket forces did not sell off the tritium to the highest bidder and buy new dachas for their mistresses in Sochi the very second it was delivered to their unit is zero.
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I was on an Eastern Airlines flight a long time ago from Raleigh Durham to La Guardia with Don Rickels. He signed my ticket. I still have it.
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Can you imagine if someone did a routine like this today.
If you want to see something which would never be made today, go look for an old 2003-2005 animated sketch show called Monkey Dust that the BBC used to make. More black-humour and satire than offensive, but there is no way today's BBC would commission anything like it. The jokes range from the pompous middle-class diners who secretly want nothing more than to screw one anothers' partners, to the National Health Service re-branding cancer as an alternative end-of-life-choice to save money. The only way to watch it now are YouTube clips, second hand DVDs of season 1, or illegal streaming sites. Other than a brief mention on its website, the BBC has disowned it entirely. Here's a sample:
Or Chris Morris' old sketch show Jam. Full episodes are on YT, and that thing was doing dank memes before dank memes were a thing. One of the least dark sketches is the guy who jumps from the first floor of a building 40 times rather than off the top once, in case he changed his mind, and it's all downhill from there. Episode 1:
Highly recommend both.
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being married isn't that stressful at all
Stephan, 27 years old
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Many years ago able to see Adam Sandler one man show in my school. He was very funny.
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Grabbed this from another forum and wanted to share.
How Crypto's Work
How Crypto Currency works… an analogy in layman’s terms.
Not long ago a merchant found a lot of monkeys that lived near a certain Village. One day he came to the Village saying he wanted to buy these monkeys. He announced that he would buy the monkeys at $100 each.
The Villagers thought that this man must be crazy. How can somebody buy stray monkeys at $100 each?
Still some People caught some monkeys and gave it to this merchant, and he gave $100 for each monkey.
This news spread like wildfire and People caught monkeys and sold them to the merchant.
After a few days, the merchant announced that he will buy monkeys at $200 each.
The lazy villagers also ran around to catch the remaining monkeys. They sold the remaining monkeys at $200 each.
The merchant then announced that he will buy monkeys for $500 each.
The villagers start to lose sleep. They caught six or seven monkeys which was all that was left and got $500 each.
The Villagers were waiting anxiously for the next announcement.
Then the merchant announced that he is going on holiday for a week, but when he returns, he will buy monkeys at $1000 each! He also said that his employee will be in charge and would take care of the monkeys he bought pending his return.
The Merchant went on holiday.
The Villagers were frantic and very sad as there were no more monkeys left for them to sell at $1000 each as was promised by the Merchant.
Then the Merchant’s Employee contacted them and told them that he would secretly sell them some monkeys at $700 each.
The news spread like wildfire. As the Merchant promised on his return that he would buy monkeys at $1000 each, they would achieve a $300 profit for each monkey. The next day the Villagers queued up near the Monkey Cage.
The Employee sold all the monkeys at $700 each. The rich bought monkeys in large lots. The poor borrowed money from money lenders and bought the rest of the monkeys.
The Villagers took care of their monkeys and waited for the Merchant to return. However, nobody came! Then they ran to find the Employee. However, he was not to be found.
The Villagers then realized that they have been duped buying the useless stray monkeys at $700 each and were now unable to sell them.
This Monkey Business is now known as Bitcoin!
