That's Jokes
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Maybe he's not wearing pants?
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Paul and his wife were sitting out on the patio one Sunday morning, when Paul suddenly blurted out, "If I die first, I want you to promise that you'll sell all my stuff immediately."
"Now why in the world would you want me to do something like that?" his wife asked.
"Got to thinking about, and thought that if you remarry, I don't want some other asshole using my stuff."
His wife looked at him and said, "You have nothing to worry about sweetheart, there's no way I'm going to marry another asshole."
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I was checking out of the motel in Brawley 2 days ago with my buddy Lenny. We were walking to the office to turn in our keys and get receipts. I spotted this lady with a black lab that was going apeshit because I was talking cutesy to it… she said I could pet the dog and I was for a while.
Then her husband came out of their room and said, "hey, did you remember to grab my ankle bracelet!?"
I looked at Lenny and we both laughed out loud, and I laughed a lot more. Understandably, the woman was highly upset we were laughing. But the more I felt like I shouldn't laugh I laughed even more.
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A man enters the doctors office asking the doctor what he can do to make sure he lives as long as possible.
The doctor agrees and starts off with: No smoking.
The man eagerly reacts that he hasn’t even touched a cigarette in his life."Not too much alcohol", the doctor continues.
"Never even had a sip in my life doctor, I will never let it enter my body, no sir."
Ok then, the doc says and continues with: “be careful with fatty foods and red meat.”
The man gets all wound up and explains he has been vegan most his life and eating animals is murder.The doctor scratches his head, thinks for a second and finally says: "you know, changing sexual partners to often can have a negative effect on your life expectancy."
And yet again, the man tells the doctor that he has never been in any form of a sexual relationship, its better this way, he says, other people just hold me back.
The doctor takes of his glasses, and tells the man he should life a long and healthy life if he continues down his current path. However, he says: “just before you go, can I ask you something?”
"Yes doctor", the man replies.
The doc sais: “Why in the world would you want to live so long?”
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…sent this picture to a friend of mine.
…almost immediately he sent back 'war pigs'.
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Oh, man. That's good, @Giles.
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I was thinking about Giles' cat and was reminded of this. The thing about Giles' cat is: you just want to love him.
