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    Iron Heart Fall/Winter 2025 Collection Preview - Now Live

    That's Jokes

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    • alcatrazA
      alcatraz
      Joined:

      My uncle was a rubbish ventriloquist….

      I used to sit on his knee, he'd stick his fingers up my arse and would ask me not to say anything!!

      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
      • madmondayM
        madmonday
        Raw and Unwashed
        Joined:

        damn shame really.

        hope your bum is better . . . HAhehehehAhe

        head high, middle finger higher

        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
        • alcatrazA
          alcatraz
          Joined:

          Yeah it's ok thanks!!!

          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
          • Finn666F
            Finn666
            Joined:

            @madmonday:

            damn shame really.

            hope your bum is better . . . HAhehehehAhe

            i see, this is the actual joke… hahahah 😃

            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
            • alcatrazA
              alcatraz
              Joined:

              I recently treated my wife to one of those "fish pedicures" and I must say I was very pleased with the result.

              Those piranhas don't fuck about!

              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
              • GilesG
                Giles
                IHUK Crew
                Joined:

                "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                • L
                  LandoCal126 0
                  Banned
                  Joined:

                  Just bought tickets to Artie Lange next month at Caroline's. Looking to possibly go on Sunday as well. If anyone is a fan and lives in or around NYC, PM me and we will roll.

                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                  • Finn666F
                    Finn666
                    Joined:

                    sup Seul? ;D…

                    @Geo:

                    It's great how Seul has totally given us all some great fun with him wearing skirts and all - so we should be grateful he's with us at all after recovering from some serious injuries . . .

                    It all happened a while back when I had said to him I had made quite a bit of money selling bear skins

                    He said to me "isn't it a bit dangerous going after the bears?"

                    I said "no, not really - you just hunt in the winter when they are hibernating"

                    "what do you mean?" he said

                    "well, you just follow the tracks into the cave where they're sleeping . . . and bang, no problem"

                    "sounds good" said Seul "plus I need some more IH gear - think I'll give it a try"

                    I heard nothing of him for a few months, then I heard he'd just got out of hospital after being bandaged and plastered from head to toe

                    I said "what the hell happened to you?"

                    He said "well I did what you said . . . followed the tracks into a big dark cave . . . but I've still no idea where that train came from . . ."

                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • hecticH
                      hectic
                      Joined:

                      Q: Why does Obama get hugs?

                      A: Because President Sarkozy

                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                      • Finn666F
                        Finn666
                        Joined:

                        too damn good… 😉

                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                        • L
                          LandoCal126 0
                          Banned
                          Joined:

                          Barack Obama and Tonto went camping in the desert. After
                          they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

                          Some hours later, Tonto woke the president and said, "Kemo
                          bro, look towards sky, what you see?"

                          Obama replied, "I see millions of stars."

                          "What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

                          Obama pondered for a minute then said, "Astronomically
                          speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and
                          potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me
                          that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be
                          approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
                          Theologically, Mother Nature is all-powerful and we are
                          small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will
                          have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"

                          Tonto says, "Obama, you dumber than buffalo shit. It means
                          somebody stole the tent."

                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                          • Finn666F
                            Finn666
                            Joined:

                            i lol´d  😉 …although i like obama pretty much!

                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                            • GilesG
                              Giles
                              IHUK Crew
                              Joined:

                              Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business…...

                              "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

                              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                              • Finn666F
                                Finn666
                                Joined:

                                this is a great one G. …;D

                                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                • L
                                  LandoCal126 0
                                  Banned
                                  Joined:

                                  @Giles:

                                  Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business…...

                                  Hahahahaha, made me smile on a Friday AM. Thanks

                                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                  • GilesG
                                    Giles
                                    IHUK Crew
                                    Joined:

                                    I love the fact that when you tell it, the listener is waiting for more, then they realise that that's it…..

                                    "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

                                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                    • L
                                      LandoCal126 0
                                      Banned
                                      Joined:

                                      Yeah. Cliffhanger for sure.  ::) I started laughing before I finished reading. Still laughing actually.

                                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                      • alcatrazA
                                        alcatraz
                                        Joined:

                                        Her: Darling do I please in bed?

                                        Him: Yes, I love the trick you do with your mouth.

                                        Her: What trick?

                                        Him: The one where you shut the fuck up and go to sleep!

                                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                        • L
                                          LandoCal126 0
                                          Banned
                                          Joined:

                                          This isn't really a joke because the two gentlemen involved definitely seemed for real. As I was walking to the subway this AM (6am), I heard one gentleman say to another "I hope you are ready to lick my fat ass this morning!" Made me laugh/ vomit on the spot.

                                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                          • Finn666F
                                            Finn666
                                            Joined:

                                            the funniest part is the "laugh/vomit" part you added…rest is...well you said it already!

                                            alcatraz - I like that one! 😉

                                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
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