Confessions of a…....
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Outstanding Rocket!!! Full blown rock star mode
"Obstacles are stepping-stones That guide us to our goals"
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Posted this story up on superfuture a while ago, I guess it would be confessions of a drunk lazy bastard. I was at a friend of a friends apartment and it had gotten to be super late and everyone was really drunk and starting to pass out. There are only two bathrooms in the place, one in the room of a guy having unreasonably loud sex for being in a house full of people, and the other is the hallway bathroom, where a girl I knew from a while back but hadnt seen in a long time was passed out with her face on the toilet. I had to pee really bad and wasnt about to bust into the kids room or take the elevator all the way downstairs to go outside so I tried to get the girl to move, and when her passed out ass was practically unresponsive, I decided to just push her back against the wall and take care of my business. About halfway thru my piss the girl fell in between my legs (im about 6'4") to rest on the toilet again and I ended up peeing on the back of her head for a second and then having to jerk to the left really quick I ended up peeing all over the kids shower curtain. Not knowing what to do at this point, I grabbed my friend and left instantly. Long story short, Awkward situation temporarily avoided and I cant go back to santa cruz for a while.
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Posted this story up on superfuture a while ago, I guess it would be confessions of a drunk lazy bastard. I was at a friend of a friends apartment and it had gotten to be super late and everyone was really drunk and starting to pass out. There are only two bathrooms in the place, one in the room of a guy having unreasonably loud sex for being in a house full of people, and the other is the hallway bathroom, where a girl I knew from a while back but hadnt seen in a long time was passed out with her face on the toilet. I had to pee really bad and wasnt about to bust into the kids room or take the elevator all the way downstairs to go outside so I tried to get the girl to move, and when her passed out ass was practically unresponsive, I decided to just push her back against the wall and take care of my business. About halfway thru my piss the girl fell in between my legs (im about 6'4") to rest on the toilet again and I ended up peeing on the back of her head for a second and then having to jerk to the left really quick I ended up peeing all over the kids shower curtain. Not knowing what to do at this point, I grabbed my friend and left instantly. Long story short, Awkward situation temporarily avoided and I cant go back to santa cruz for a while.
Now that's some funny shit right there! When I was still living at home, probably my senior year of highschool I had my girl friend over while my parents were at work. We were on the couch in the front room and I was getting a hummer when my mom came in through the front door. I was quick to get dressed and I was thinking myself pretty slick/ prepared to deny everything. I was all set until I realized that I had a full fledged shirt wiener. BUSTED.
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I remembered an anecdote from middle school. I was spending the night at a friend's house and his parents were out of town. So of course we snuck out and took his mother's brand new Acura coupe to New Orleans. We did not have licenses yet. We were maybe 14.
Partied all night, and I'm driving us back at 4 AM on I-55. Almost home. Buddy is asleep, reclined back in his chair. I start nodding off, and suddenly see a tire retread, and I'm too groggy to react. Fishtail, flip, crash in a ditch. If my buddy hasn't been reclined, his head would be gone. Doors are fused shut by the wreck and we are upside down. We punch out the rear window and crawl out, hands bloodied. A car of young men drives up to offer "help." They ask if we have money for a tow truck and my poor naive friend reaches for his wallet. We proceed to get mugged and beaten a bit.
Ultimately a trucker comes by and helps us. We were the coolest kids at school for a while, probably grounded for a longer while, and things were… Awkward with his folks ever after.
The new car was totaled, of course.
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aua: derivative666!
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really funny stuff guys, sadly since we are on a public forum I will (can) not confess anything of davito's adventures, its a bit too sensitive
some friends have tried to encourage me writing a blog or even a book about my experiences 
hmmm we will see…but it will come under a complete different pseudonym if ever 
but pm me if interested having a chat Interestingly enough I too must with hold my stories from public forum chatter and have also been told by family and friends that I indeed should write a book.. I will definitely tell you that since the birth of my son my life has changed considerably, but do I have some doozies! I may have to hit you up to compare notes davito.
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Yeah this is one of the few I can recall that I'm comfortable sharing here
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So, when I was in college in a small conservative town, I helped keep a student production of the Vagina Monologues from being shut down, and in turn ended up being asked to be a Vagina Helper. At the cast party there was like 50 girls, me and this little Japanese guy. I proceed to drink feverishly and pass out on the sofa in the middle of this party with all these girls just hangin out drinking wine and talking. So, apparently, I passed out exceptionally early and they all just hung out around my lifeless body. A couple hours into this shindig, I proceed to stand up in the middle of this group of girls sitting listening to Ani DiFranco and talking about feminist girl stuff. I then whip out my dick and start pissing on the coffee table right in the middle of them. They are all screaming and crawling away from my piss splatter. A couple of minutes later, I zip it up and pass smooth back out. I loved college.
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Hahahaha. My first college was a Southern Baptist Convention run institution in a conservative town. It was basically like going to Oral Roberts or Liberty University. I mean freshmen women had curfews. They'd follow you to a bar and take down your tag and rat you out to your parents. Brutal.
The club I rushed was Circle K. No Greek organizations were permitted. Circle K was a diverse Animal House-like bunch of fuckups that I remain close to to this day. Our charter was always on the verge of revocation.
Rush was short but brutal. A couple of rush stories.
For one of our rush stages, we were taken through the science building at night and routed through several different phases of mental trial and headfuck. Part of this was to ride up the dumb waiter to get to the next room. Goddamn thing gets stuck with me and two others in it. A couple hours later, the fire department is able to rescue us. Oops.
Another interesting outing involved a few of us getting spray painted with blue paint. We tried to scrub it off but a few of us sported telltale splotches of blue. Everyone kept asking for explanations but we refused to say a word. They pretty much knew anyway.
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Fuck!!! Never thought about that now the entire world knows I got caught wanking by my mom
"Obstacles are stepping-stones That guide us to our goals"
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Mums have a habit of walking in on their teenage sons wanking.
I had such an experience circa 1990, while feverishly engaged in my routine post-dinner wank. Mum barged into my room with a bowl of dessert, bless her. On observing my vile act of self-abuse, she quietly closed the door and walked out. Nothing was ever said.
Happy days!
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Oh? Never saw Mallrats…I'm not much of a movie watcher, just a filthy bastard. I recall it being very popular around the time I was at uni.
I'll do some Internet searching to see if I can find this scene.
PS - I skipped dessert and stayed in my room for the remainder of the evening, due to embarrassment. Needless to say, the wank was not completed.
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at zero dark thirty I was exiting the rear of my home & noticed something moving pretty slowly past me. i paused & looked at what i figured was some nocturnal creature trying to get out my way when it heard me rustling around. . . to my horror the object stopped moving & turned around & started looking at me look at it. This scarred the little bit of java i had in me almost out of my body. i'm standing doing the pee pee dance while god knows what is sizing me up for who knows what. i flick on the back light hoping it will scare this night creature away, but instead the m0therf^cker turns around sits down & i sh!t you not starts digging into my recently killed weeds, i guess looking for some grubs or other creepy crawly. this pisses me off cause what kind of night creature isn't scared & scurries away when you turn on the lights & this is the bugger that has been digging up my newly planted front lawn. so while containing my bladder & the little bit of dignity i have left, i grab the nearest thing to my back door, a rack, not the weapon of choice for most but at this point i didn't care, right, i mean this little something is going to run away from big bad me when he sees me coming at him with my instrument of death . . . RIGHT.
well. . . . wrong, at this point i finally figure out it's a raccoon & for what ever reason not in the least bit frightened by my antics, in fact the critters digging up my weeds all while looking at me. this strangely reminds me of an evil villain laughing at his prey while the poor victim, me, shakes in my boots. at this point i am proud to say i slowly backed into my garage, locked my door, put down the rake, turned the lights off, & went back into the main house & did what any reasonable person would do at this point. i used the restroom & waited for mister raccoon, my night watchman, to allow me safe passage out the house . . . . needless to say i was late for work. f^cker was out there for a little while, hahahahahah i laughed the entire drive to work while explain why i'm going to be late to my boss. i'm pretty sure i have never heard such howls of laughter from anyone . . . . damn shame.
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^pussy
