Confessions of a…....
-
So, when I was in college in a small conservative town, I helped keep a student production of the Vagina Monologues from being shut down, and in turn ended up being asked to be a Vagina Helper. At the cast party there was like 50 girls, me and this little Japanese guy. I proceed to drink feverishly and pass out on the sofa in the middle of this party with all these girls just hangin out drinking wine and talking. So, apparently, I passed out exceptionally early and they all just hung out around my lifeless body. A couple hours into this shindig, I proceed to stand up in the middle of this group of girls sitting listening to Ani DiFranco and talking about feminist girl stuff. I then whip out my dick and start pissing on the coffee table right in the middle of them. They are all screaming and crawling away from my piss splatter. A couple of minutes later, I zip it up and pass smooth back out. I loved college.
-
Hahahaha. My first college was a Southern Baptist Convention run institution in a conservative town. It was basically like going to Oral Roberts or Liberty University. I mean freshmen women had curfews. They'd follow you to a bar and take down your tag and rat you out to your parents. Brutal.
The club I rushed was Circle K. No Greek organizations were permitted. Circle K was a diverse Animal House-like bunch of fuckups that I remain close to to this day. Our charter was always on the verge of revocation.
Rush was short but brutal. A couple of rush stories.
For one of our rush stages, we were taken through the science building at night and routed through several different phases of mental trial and headfuck. Part of this was to ride up the dumb waiter to get to the next room. Goddamn thing gets stuck with me and two others in it. A couple hours later, the fire department is able to rescue us. Oops.
Another interesting outing involved a few of us getting spray painted with blue paint. We tried to scrub it off but a few of us sported telltale splotches of blue. Everyone kept asking for explanations but we refused to say a word. They pretty much knew anyway.
-
Fuck!!! Never thought about that now the entire world knows I got caught wanking by my mom
"Obstacles are stepping-stones That guide us to our goals"
-
Mums have a habit of walking in on their teenage sons wanking.
I had such an experience circa 1990, while feverishly engaged in my routine post-dinner wank. Mum barged into my room with a bowl of dessert, bless her. On observing my vile act of self-abuse, she quietly closed the door and walked out. Nothing was ever said.
Happy days!
-
Oh? Never saw Mallrats…I'm not much of a movie watcher, just a filthy bastard. I recall it being very popular around the time I was at uni.
I'll do some Internet searching to see if I can find this scene.
PS - I skipped dessert and stayed in my room for the remainder of the evening, due to embarrassment. Needless to say, the wank was not completed.
-
at zero dark thirty I was exiting the rear of my home & noticed something moving pretty slowly past me. i paused & looked at what i figured was some nocturnal creature trying to get out my way when it heard me rustling around. . . to my horror the object stopped moving & turned around & started looking at me look at it. This scarred the little bit of java i had in me almost out of my body. i'm standing doing the pee pee dance while god knows what is sizing me up for who knows what. i flick on the back light hoping it will scare this night creature away, but instead the m0therf^cker turns around sits down & i sh!t you not starts digging into my recently killed weeds, i guess looking for some grubs or other creepy crawly. this pisses me off cause what kind of night creature isn't scared & scurries away when you turn on the lights & this is the bugger that has been digging up my newly planted front lawn. so while containing my bladder & the little bit of dignity i have left, i grab the nearest thing to my back door, a rack, not the weapon of choice for most but at this point i didn't care, right, i mean this little something is going to run away from big bad me when he sees me coming at him with my instrument of death . . . RIGHT.
well. . . . wrong, at this point i finally figure out it's a raccoon & for what ever reason not in the least bit frightened by my antics, in fact the critters digging up my weeds all while looking at me. this strangely reminds me of an evil villain laughing at his prey while the poor victim, me, shakes in my boots. at this point i am proud to say i slowly backed into my garage, locked my door, put down the rake, turned the lights off, & went back into the main house & did what any reasonable person would do at this point. i used the restroom & waited for mister raccoon, my night watchman, to allow me safe passage out the house . . . . needless to say i was late for work. f^cker was out there for a little while, hahahahahah i laughed the entire drive to work while explain why i'm going to be late to my boss. i'm pretty sure i have never heard such howls of laughter from anyone . . . . damn shame.
-
^pussy
-
madmonday, I hear you, those little feckers have no fear. It is actually against the law to do harm/kill them in the Great White North (at least where I live).
-
Tell them it was rabid! No one fecks with a rabid raccoon!
-
madame buttonfly & other members of the fairer sex, please do not read this as it is extremely crude & has not been approved or edited for content. apologies in advance
hey i am glad to live & run another day. just so you know, a p^ssy is very strong & able to do all kinds of amazing stuff.
*take a bunch of d!cks or other random things, check
*push out a big headed baby, check
*bleed every month on a regular or irregular basis & not die, boom& i didn't even mention random dudes always trying to get in no matter what it looks like or worse smells like. p^ssy is some amazing stuff, sonnets have been written, wars have been waged, all on the strength of p^ssy, hahahahahahahaha
need to go talk to my therapist about my new fear of wildlife. that little bastard was laughing at me while digging up my weeds
-
Now I'm beyond pissed. I spilled my coffee all over my desk from laughing so hard at your pussy response. Kudos Monday you are one of a kind.
-
Ok everybody. I'm snowed in. I'm bored. I decided a new thread was in order. True confessions.
I'll kick it off with something light:
Sometimes I drink Metamucil just because I think it tastes good. More than once this has lead to me waking up in a panicked craze in the middle of the night and a few near massive disasters.
