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Discover our "What Is?" section to learn more about denim!

That's Jokes

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  • M
    motojobobo
    啓蒙家
    Joined: 22 Aug 2015

    Yesterday I was at my local supermarket buying a large pack of Pedigree dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog?

    What did she think I had? An elephant?? 😳

    So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, that I was starting the Pedigree Diet again.
    I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 20 kilos before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
    The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
    (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)🤓

    Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
    I told her no, I stepped off the pavement to sniff a Labrador's arse and a car hit me.

    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack ....because he was laughing so hard.

    I'm now banned from entering my supermarket!

    Better watch what you ask retired people.🤪🤪

    The journey is the objective.

    last edited by 29 Apr 2025, 19:49 M 1 Reply Last reply 29 Apr 2025, 20:15 Reply Quote 3
    • M
      Mizmazzle
      見習いボス
      @motojobobo
      Joined: 29 Jun 2021

      @motojobobo I pray to god this is a real story that happened to you and not just a hilarious joke!!!

      In the easy chair with my boots on, melted whiskey in my hand. Could'na been asleep for more than three hours...time to go to work again...

      last edited by 29 Apr 2025, 20:15 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
      • M
        motojobobo
        啓蒙家
        Joined: 22 Aug 2015

        Sorry to disappoint @Mizmazzle …not clever enough to come up with that one on my own!

        The journey is the objective.

        last edited by 30 Apr 2025, 16:06 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
        • M
          motojobobo
          啓蒙家
          Joined: 22 Aug 2015

          IMG_0360.png

          The journey is the objective.

          last edited by 30 Apr 2025, 16:15 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 2
          • J
            Jett129
            見習いボス
            Joined: 17 Aug 2011

            Anyone else watch the Bret Goldstein comedy special on HBO/MAX. I really wanted to like it. I just didn’t find him funny. I was surprised that he was doing stand up,as I had seen some of his earlier work and thought it was a good thing that he got into writing and acting. It was filmed in NJ I guess because a lot of his material is about the US. He got lots of applause every time he mentioned Ted Lasso. If you do watch it wait for after he walks off stage.

            last edited by 3 May 2025, 11:36 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
            • M
              Moty
              Haraki san Student
              Joined: 5 Feb 2020

              we lost him.jpg

              Courage is resistance to fear, it is mastery of fear, not absence of fear

              last edited by 5 May 2025, 06:05 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
              • S
                scooter
                啓蒙家
                Joined: 26 Dec 2015

                Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

                last edited by 10 May 2025, 16:50 M 1 Reply Last reply 10 May 2025, 17:22 Reply Quote 1
                • E
                  endo
                  見習いボス
                  Joined: 29 May 2020

                  hahaha

                  si tacuisses

                  last edited by 10 May 2025, 16:56 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                  • M
                    Mizmazzle
                    見習いボス
                    @scooter
                    Joined: 29 Jun 2021

                    @scooter love Aziz.

                    In the easy chair with my boots on, melted whiskey in my hand. Could'na been asleep for more than three hours...time to go to work again...

                    last edited by 10 May 2025, 17:22 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • M
                      Matt
                      見習いボス
                      Joined: 4 Oct 2011

                      IMG_0998.jpeg

                      last edited by 14 May 2025, 23:24 J 1 Reply Last reply 3 Jun 2025, 03:10 Reply Quote 7
                      • M
                        Matt
                        見習いボス
                        Joined: 4 Oct 2011

                        IMG_1009.jpeg

                        last edited by 18 May 2025, 01:51 T 1 Reply Last reply 18 May 2025, 08:03 Reply Quote 8
                        • E
                          endo
                          見習いボス
                          Joined: 29 May 2020

                          I don't get the joke two post above. Is it referring to the Jonestown killings? No problem with that, but what's the joke?

                          si tacuisses

                          last edited by 18 May 2025, 06:14 M 1 Reply Last reply 18 May 2025, 15:23 Reply Quote 1
                          • M
                            motojobobo
                            啓蒙家
                            Joined: 22 Aug 2015

                            Drinking the KoolAid is my guess.

                            The journey is the objective.

                            last edited by 18 May 2025, 07:27 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                            • T
                              Tago Mago
                              Mod Squad
                              @Matt
                              Joined: 16 Jan 2021

                              @Matt you provide light entertainment, that’s good enough for me

                              last edited by 18 May 2025, 08:03 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                              • B
                                Brian
                                Joined: 24 Nov 2022

                                On a sign of a hardware store this weekend

                                Why is the Incredible Hulk a good gardener?

                                He has green thumbs

                                last edited by 18 May 2025, 12:38 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                • M
                                  Matt
                                  見習いボス
                                  @endo
                                  Joined: 4 Oct 2011

                                  @endo said in That's Jokes:

                                  I don't get the joke two post above. Is it referring to the Jonestown killings? No problem with that, but what's the joke?

                                  They say a good joke is one you have to explain. Nailed it.

                                  last edited by 18 May 2025, 15:23 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                  • E
                                    endo
                                    見習いボス
                                    Joined: 29 May 2020

                                    I know but I'm used to that, it's a spectrum thing.

                                    si tacuisses

                                    last edited by 18 May 2025, 15:30 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 2
                                    • G
                                      goosehd
                                      Mod Squad
                                      Joined: 8 Apr 2016

                                      "I don't give a shit what anyone else is doing, we will do what is best for us and our customers" - Giles P. :)

                                      last edited by 18 May 2025, 20:47 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                      • M
                                        Moty
                                        Haraki san Student
                                        Joined: 5 Feb 2020

                                        839ccf4e-ba0d-48f6-84de-9bd74eda9d67.thumb.jpeg.ebbf0db450e9db05017a8b481c162432.jpeg

                                        Courage is resistance to fear, it is mastery of fear, not absence of fear

                                        last edited by 21 May 2025, 08:28 J 1 Reply Last reply 21 May 2025, 13:10 Reply Quote 2
                                        • J
                                          Jett129
                                          見習いボス
                                          @Moty
                                          Joined: 17 Aug 2011

                                          @Moty Saw this today after I saw your post. IMG_0157.jpeg

                                          last edited by 21 May 2025, 13:10 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
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