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    That's Jokes

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    • motojoboboM
      motojobobo
      啓蒙家
      Joined:

      Yesterday I was at my local supermarket buying a large pack of Pedigree dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog?

      What did she think I had? An elephant?? 😳

      So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, that I was starting the Pedigree Diet again.
      I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 20 kilos before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

      I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
      The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
      (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)🤓

      Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
      I told her no, I stepped off the pavement to sniff a Labrador's arse and a car hit me.

      I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack ....because he was laughing so hard.

      I'm now banned from entering my supermarket!

      Better watch what you ask retired people.🤪🤪

      The journey is the objective.

      last edited by MizmazzleM 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 3
      • MizmazzleM
        Mizmazzle
        見習いボス
        @motojobobo
        Joined:

        @motojobobo I pray to god this is a real story that happened to you and not just a hilarious joke!!!

        In the easy chair with my boots on, melted whiskey in my hand. Could'na been asleep for more than three hours...time to go to work again...

        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
        • motojoboboM
          motojobobo
          啓蒙家
          Joined:

          Sorry to disappoint @Mizmazzle …not clever enough to come up with that one on my own!

          The journey is the objective.

          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
          • motojoboboM
            motojobobo
            啓蒙家
            Joined:

            IMG_0360.png

            The journey is the objective.

            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 2
            • J
              Jett129
              見習いボス
              Joined:

              Anyone else watch the Bret Goldstein comedy special on HBO/MAX. I really wanted to like it. I just didn’t find him funny. I was surprised that he was doing stand up,as I had seen some of his earlier work and thought it was a good thing that he got into writing and acting. It was filmed in NJ I guess because a lot of his material is about the US. He got lots of applause every time he mentioned Ted Lasso. If you do watch it wait for after he walks off stage.

              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
              • MotyM
                Moty
                Haraki san Student
                Joined:

                we lost him.jpg

                Courage is resistance to fear, it is mastery of fear, not absence of fear

                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
                • scooterS
                  scooter
                  啓蒙家
                  Joined:

                  Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

                  last edited by MizmazzleM 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
                  • endoE
                    endo
                    見習いボス
                    Joined:

                    hahaha

                    si tacuisses

                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • MizmazzleM
                      Mizmazzle
                      見習いボス
                      @scooter
                      Joined:

                      @scooter love Aziz.

                      In the easy chair with my boots on, melted whiskey in my hand. Could'na been asleep for more than three hours...time to go to work again...

                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                      • MattM
                        Matt
                        見習いボス
                        Joined:

                        IMG_0998.jpeg

                        last edited by J 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 7
                        • MattM
                          Matt
                          見習いボス
                          Joined:

                          IMG_1009.jpeg

                          last edited by Tago MagoT 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 8
                          • endoE
                            endo
                            見習いボス
                            Joined:

                            I don't get the joke two post above. Is it referring to the Jonestown killings? No problem with that, but what's the joke?

                            si tacuisses

                            last edited by MattM 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
                            • motojoboboM
                              motojobobo
                              啓蒙家
                              Joined:

                              Drinking the KoolAid is my guess.

                              The journey is the objective.

                              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                              • Tago MagoT
                                Tago Mago
                                Mod Squad
                                @Matt
                                Joined:

                                @Matt you provide light entertainment, that’s good enough for me

                                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                • BrianB
                                  Brian
                                  Joined:

                                  On a sign of a hardware store this weekend

                                  Why is the Incredible Hulk a good gardener?

                                  He has green thumbs

                                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                  • MattM
                                    Matt
                                    見習いボス
                                    @endo
                                    Joined:

                                    @endo said in That's Jokes:

                                    I don't get the joke two post above. Is it referring to the Jonestown killings? No problem with that, but what's the joke?

                                    They say a good joke is one you have to explain. Nailed it.

                                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                    • endoE
                                      endo
                                      見習いボス
                                      Joined:

                                      I know but I'm used to that, it's a spectrum thing.

                                      si tacuisses

                                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 2
                                      • goosehdG
                                        goosehd
                                        Mod Squad
                                        Joined:

                                        "I don't give a shit what anyone else is doing, we will do what is best for us and our customers" - Giles P. :)

                                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                        • MotyM
                                          Moty
                                          Haraki san Student
                                          Joined:

                                          839ccf4e-ba0d-48f6-84de-9bd74eda9d67.thumb.jpeg.ebbf0db450e9db05017a8b481c162432.jpeg

                                          Courage is resistance to fear, it is mastery of fear, not absence of fear

                                          last edited by J 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 2
                                          • J
                                            Jett129
                                            見習いボス
                                            @Moty
                                            Joined:

                                            @Moty Saw this today after I saw your post. IMG_0157.jpeg

                                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
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