That's Jokes

[Bridger]

@Mizmazzle said in That's Jokes:

If you're American before you go to the bathroom, and you're Chinese after you go to the bathroom

Thought this was going to be about a smartphone parts supplier or an electric car manufacturer

[motojobobo]

Yesterday I was at my local supermarket buying a large pack of Pedigree dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog?

What did she think I had? An elephant??

So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, that I was starting the Pedigree Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 20 kilos before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stepped off the pavement to sniff a Labrador's arse and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack ....because he was laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from entering my supermarket!

Better watch what you ask retired people.

[Mizmazzle]

@motojobobo I pray to god this is a real story that happened to you and not just a hilarious joke!!!

[motojobobo]

Sorry to disappoint @Mizmazzle …not clever enough to come up with that one on my own!

[motojobobo]

[Jett129]

Anyone else watch the Bret Goldstein comedy special on HBO/MAX. I really wanted to like it. I just didn’t find him funny. I was surprised that he was doing stand up,as I had seen some of his earlier work and thought it was a good thing that he got into writing and acting. It was filmed in NJ I guess because a lot of his material is about the US. He got lots of applause every time he mentioned Ted Lasso. If you do watch it wait for after he walks off stage.

[Moty]

[scooter]

[endo]

hahaha

[Mizmazzle]

@scooter love Aziz.

[Matt]

[Matt]

[endo]

I don't get the joke two post above. Is it referring to the Jonestown killings? No problem with that, but what's the joke?

[motojobobo]

Drinking the KoolAid is my guess.

[Tago Mago]

@Matt you provide light entertainment, that’s good enough for me

[Brian]

On a sign of a hardware store this weekend

Why is the Incredible Hulk a good gardener?

He has green thumbs

[Matt]

@endo said in That's Jokes:

I don't get the joke two post above. Is it referring to the Jonestown killings? No problem with that, but what's the joke?

They say a good joke is one you have to explain. Nailed it.

[endo]

I know but I'm used to that, it's a spectrum thing.

[goosehd]

[Moty]