Random Rants

[jerkules]

I have a work trip to the US that I’m dreading next week, the only silver lining being the BA business flights I’ve managed to wangle. Never flown business, and fully expect something similar will happen to me when boarding.

[Giles]

Hahahahahaha

[neph93]

@tody you could probably find an area/city in the US (?) which would apply. I won’t show my ignorance and suggest one.

[WhiskeySandwich]

I'm creating a performance improvement plan for one of my direct reports because he "talks too much and farts too loud and it's creating a distracting environment".

[Giles]

hahahahahahaha

I want to see the "Do not fart out-loud" part of that plan....

[Tago Mago]

@WhiskeySandwich which of his two transgressions is causing the distraction?

[Giles]

Both are aural, one is olifactory as well......So I go for the fart....

[Giles]

And what exactly is the performance issue? That he can't talk and fart at the same time, therefore an inability to multi-task....

Oh, and whilst we are at it, would it be OK if his farts were silent?

[mclaincausey]

@Giles

Start chewing your food

No more beer

Reduce consumption of cabbage and cruciferous vegetables by 50% or more

If all else fails, go to the bathroom you absolute savage

[Giles]

Cut out the curries....

[neph93]

@Jett129 works too!

[WhiskeySandwich]

LOL there are several issues going on. The employee has had several complaints - loud and excessively long conversations unrelated to work causing distractions, engaging in blatant and excessive entertainment media on the job (youtube usage), and as a result, just being slow to complete their work....and loud farting. All of which takes away from productivity of the employee and those around. There have been several complaints and several informal warnings and talks. Of course formal documentation has to be corporate-appropriate and PC, etc.... so for the improvement plan portion covering farting, we're going with "When possible, excuse yourself during the execution of bodily functions that may be distracting or considered inappropriate."

[WhiskeySandwich]

basically, get to work and try not to be disgusting.

[Giles]

@WhiskeySandwich said in Random Rants:

When possible, excuse yourself during the execution of bodily functions that may be distracting or considered inappropriate."

Inappropriate is a subjective thing. I'm guessing that in his circle of friends and family, he likely gets a high-five for an exceptionally loud bodily function.....

[Tago Mago]

@Giles my first thought upon reading this was that he likes to take a dump in the office potted plants...

[WhiskeySandwich]

"inappropriate" IS subjective, yes. All those around him consider it inappropriate and have complained. I'd prefer to be more clear and tell him to leave the room when he does that shit, before he clears the room. I'll surely do this verbally though, and not on the official documentation.

[Giles]

[WhiskeySandwich]

Its one thing to rip all day into your seat cushion... if you can keep it under control. But to blast for glory....this isn't the place for that.

[Tago Mago]

the joys of working from home

[WhiskeySandwich]

@Giles LOL i know i do but not at work