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    Iron Heart Fall/Winter 2025 Collection Preview - Now Live

    That's Jokes

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    • GilesG
      Giles
      IHUK Crew
      Joined:

      I may have posted this one before, if so, I'm not even sorry… 😃 😃 😃 😃

      "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
      • J
        Jett129
        見習いボス
        Joined:

        Love that joke,makes me laugh every time.

        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
        • motojoboboM
          motojobobo
          啓蒙家
          Joined:

          The journey is the objective.

          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
          • J
            Jett129
            見習いボス
            Joined:

            Any Mitch Hedberg fans?

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            • J
              Jett129
              見習いボス
              Joined:

              This is from his last set before the lockdown in March.

              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
              • motojoboboM
                motojobobo
                啓蒙家
                Joined:

                Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time & decided that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to
                share office space…

                Dr.Smith was a psychiatrist & Dr.Jones
                was a Proctologist (related to colon, anus)

                They put up a sign reading
                Dr.Smith & Dr.Jones
                Hysterias & Posteriors

                The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

                So, the docs changed
                it to read
                Schizoids & Haemorrhoids

                This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign to
                Catatonics and High Colonics

                • no go.

                Next, they tried...
                Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives

                • thumbs down again.

                Then came..
                Minds and Behinds

                • still no good.

                Another attempt resulted in...
                Lost Souls & Butt Holes
                -unacceptable again!

                So they tried
                Analysis & Anal Cysts

                • not a chance

                Nuts and Butts

                • no way

                Freaks and Cheeks

                • still no good

                Loons and Moons

                • forget it!

                Almost at their wits end, the docs finally came up with:
                Dr.Smith & Dr.Jones
                Specializing in Odds & Ends.

                Everyone loved it.

                The journey is the objective.

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                • J
                  Jett129
                  見習いボス
                  Joined:

                  Great joke. Read it as fast as I could to get to the worthwhile punchline.

                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                  • GilesG
                    Giles
                    IHUK Crew
                    Joined:

                    Yeah, me too…..

                    "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • Y
                      Yogi217
                      Joined:

                      That was worth it. Thank you

                      Sent from my SM-N975U1 using Tapatalk

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                      • J
                        Jett129
                        見習いボス
                        Joined:

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                        • J
                          Jett129
                          見習いボス
                          Joined:

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                          • J
                            Jett129
                            見習いボス
                            Joined:

                            Couldn’t resist…

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                            • J
                              Jett129
                              見習いボス
                              Joined:

                              @Giles Saw this and thought of you… 

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                              • steelworkerS
                                steelworker
                                見習いボス
                                Joined:

                                Those are my principles, and if you don't like them…
                                Well, I have others.

                                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                • goosehdG
                                  goosehd
                                  Mod Squad
                                  Joined:

                                  First, God created the donkey.
                                  God said to the donkey:

                                  • 'You are a donkey. You will toil and drag all day long and be called stupid in the head. You will live for 20 years. '
                                    The donkey replied:
                                  • 'Wow then, it does not sound like a good life. Can we not say that I will only be 5 years old? '
                                    God accepted the donkey's proposal.
                                    –-------------------
                                    Then God created the dog.
                                    God said:
                                  • 'You shall be called a dog, live a life of submission, eat leftovers from the dinner table and guard the house. You will live for 35 years. '
                                    The dog said:
                                  • 'Oops, it might not be that fun. Can't I just be 15 years old instead? '
                                    God accepted the dog's suggestion.

                                  Then God created the parrot
                                  God said:

                                  • 'You're called a parrot. You will sit in a corner and repeat everything that is said, to the great annoyance of everyone. You will be 75 years old. '
                                    The parrot wondered:
                                  • 'It sounds very monotonous ... Can't we just say 50 years?'
                                    God accepted the parrot's suggestion.

                                  In the end, God created man.
                                  God said:

                                  • 'You are a man, a man! You should have a good life. You are wise and intelligent, so you will decide in this world. You will be 20 years old. '
                                    The man replied:
                                  • 'It sounds like a really good life, but can it not be a little longer?'
                                    (Now the man shows for the first time a test of his intelligence ..)
                                  • 'Can't I have those 15 years that the donkey did not want, the 20 that the dog refused, and the 25 that were left over from the parrot as well?'
                                    God accepted the man's proposal.

                                  Therefore, the man lives a wonderful life until he turns 20 years old. Then he gets married, to toil and drag for 15 years and be called stupid in the head.
                                  Then he has to completely submit to the needs of the rest of the family, live on leftovers from the table and guard the house for 20 years. For the last 25
                                  years of his life, he sits in a corner and repeats everything that people say, to the great annoyance of everyone around him ...

                                  "I don't give a shit what anyone else is doing, we will do what is best for us and our customers" - Giles P. :)

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                                  • GilesG
                                    Giles
                                    IHUK Crew
                                    Joined:

                                    Ha….

                                    "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

                                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                    • ROmanR
                                      ROman
                                      Haraki san Prodigy
                                      Joined:

                                      Good one….

                                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                      • GilesG
                                        Giles
                                        IHUK Crew
                                        Joined:

                                        This may be of interest to one of you. A friend of mine has two tickets in a corporate box for England v Scotland. He paid £300 each, but he didn't realise when he bought them that it was going to be the same day as his Covid 19 postponed wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.

                                        It's at Hamilton Registry Office, at 2.30pm. The bride's name is Moira, she's 5'4", about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook.

                                        "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

                                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                        • neph93N
                                          neph93
                                          見習いボス
                                          Joined:

                                          ^ classic…

                                          While on a sporting theme, I quite like the story about the time Liverpool were due to play Man Utd, the whole LFC team were ill (COVID?), and only Mané was fit. He offered to go out on his own, one man against 11.

                                          The lads all followed along on the telly and lo and behold, 20 minutes in, Mané scored giving the The Redmen a 1-0 home lead. At half time they all turned off the telly and got some sleep, thinking the job was done.

                                          However, at full time the result was 1-1. Hendo the team captain, mildly annoyed, phoned Mané to find out what had happened.

                                          Some what sheepishly, Mané explained, “Sorry skipper, I got sent off after 60mins,”.

                                          «Stevie Heighway on the wing!
                                          We had dreams, and songs to sing…»

                                          • Dame Vera Lynn
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                                          • J
                                            Jett129
                                            見習いボス
                                            Joined:

                                            This made me chuckle…

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