That's Jokes

[Seul]

Best one here - although it makes me wanna punch items (walls, fridges, tanks,…).

[cowsareforeating]

yeah you and me both…

[Katsushin]

Not a joke per se, but comedic none the less…
(Yes they're real)

[Geo]

Piece of string goes into a bar, orders a beer and the barman says "Sorry, but read the notice - we don't serve string here. I need to ask you to leave" The string protests, but the barman just points to the door.

Next day the piece of string thinks "I'll get served this time" - and puts on a pair of dark glasses and heads back into the bar.

Straight away the barman says "You can't fool me, you're that piece of string I threw out yesterday - so GO!"

The string is now really mad at not getting served so he goes outside, throws away the glasses, loops himself into a loop, ruffles his top end and goes straight back into the bar and orders a beer.

The barman says "Do you think I'm crazy? You're that piece of string that had the dark glasses aren't you?" and the string says "No, I'm afraid not . . ."

[caseywisenbaker]

hahahahah a frayed knot!

[Geo]

[Geo]

or how about:

the missus and me were discussing our sex life and I said to her "truthfully - how often do you enjoy sex?"

she said "well I'm sorry to say I like it infrequently"

I thought for a second and asked "Is that one word or two?"

[Beatle]

lol..that was actually funny…

[Geo]

whadayamean "actually"!!! 

[Beatle]

yeah, ur right. really funny

[RichValentine]

Thought this would be ideal for this time of year

[hectic]

Nice, like that sketch.

I just googled "world's best joke", apparently it is this:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

[hectic]

This is a good Russian joke that I like (you can substitute any names you like of course):

"An intelligence test was conducted among the OMON (Russian Special forces) involving various sized round holes and square pegs. The conclusion states that the OMON can be divided into two groups: very dumb and VERY strong…"

[Chris]

One of my favorites is truly horrible:

Why did the Indian chief get buried on the side of the hill?

Because he was dead.

As I said, truly horrible.

[Geo]

just b'cos i'm heading out there - i was told most of the middle east don't watch the flintstones . . . but apparantly adu dhabi dooo . . .

[Seul]

Hahah that's deliciously silly!..

[Loveyuer]

Really funny, but where you find the jokes, on the google

[Geo]

i think some of these jokes could have been told more than 15 years ago . . . or at least 1 B.G. (in the modern calendar)

[gollotti]

@Chris:

One of my favorites is truly horrible:

Why did the Indian chief get buried on the side of the hill?

Because he was dead.

As I said, truly horrible.

This is just as good as my simple favorite joke:

Why did the Monkey fall out of the tree?  Because it was dead

Then you have the dead guy series:

What do you call a dead guy by a doorway….Matt
What do you call a dead guy floating on the water....Bob
What do you call a dead guy being thrown from a train....Chuck
What do you call a dead guy hanging from the wall....Art

[Giles]

My fave one-liner of all time.

Nancy Reagan has had so many face lifts, she's got a goatie….....