Indigo invitational Y4
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Hi all the heat I can handle but. I met a new lady and when we first met two months ago I told her about this and that I’d be wearing the same jeans for a year that’s fine she said. A couple of months later and she’s hating them refusing to go out with me if I’m wearing them saying she hates them and wants to cut my bibs up. Any tips on how I can convince her to allow me to carry on wearing them?
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Probably time to sit with this news and figure out which thing is more important to you. For me, it’s a bit of a flag that she would try to tell you what you can and can’t wear. I also think that if you enjoy denim and it’s something you’re going to continue to be passionate about, why waste your time with someone who can’t love you for all of who you are.
But, the other side of this is how important is the relationship for you? Are you invested in her and her happiness? Does she make you happy?
For me, convincing her to abide the bibs would be giving her an ultimatum along the lines of, “look, this is me and what I do and what I wear, if I’m important enough to you, my clothes shouldn’t really matter”.
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@Gammaman said in Indigo invitational Y4:
she hates them and wants to cut my bibs up.
Personally, I find this a bit of a red flag
. Obviously the clothes we wear are not the most important aspect of our lives - I think for all of our passion, most of us know it’s a luxury and enjoyable pastime that we’d need to curb if we found ourselves needing to to support our families or something. Family comes first, right?But just “hating” them, and wanting to cut them up?! There’s items of clothing I like on my wife, others less so. Does that make me want to cut them up?!
If it were me, I think I’d consider my feelings for this lady but it does seem like an unusually controlling behaviour after a couple of months of seeing someone. Just my $.02
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@Gammaman I would say Most important, is how you feel about her if your happy and you can see it going places meet in the middle and come to some agreement on how many times a week you can wear them while you’re in her company.
I can say II is only a competition it’s not everything!
Your going to have sick fades no matter what ..Me Personally I would just wear them in work hours and have other denim to where in personal time
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@Gammaman uff. This is a rocky start. In a new relationship everything is so fun and exciting. Of course you want her to love what you love. But sometimes our obsessive behaviors (the whole denim game) can start out charming but then become annoying. Of course, this could be a warning that she isn’t the one. Or it could be a sign that you’ve oversaturated her with too much on the fade obsession. From an outsiders perspective, I can see how this could be perceived as odd behavior.
I think really looking at your relationship as a whole is a good first step. How are the other aspects of the relationship? Is this the one thing that isn’t working, or are there other behaviors she’s displaying that are concerning?
You should always be the man you are and be true to yourself. But also, being so ridged that you can’t compromise and be aware of the needs of someone you care for are not healthy either.
Saying she wants to cut up your bibs…is she joking or ranting like a lunatic? If it’s playful, she may be trying to let you know it’s a bit much for her. If she’s ranting on in true anger, she may have some controlling tendencies that are a sure warning.Edit: one last observation…bibs are such a bold garment. Wearing them all the time can be much more striking. Like if you’re wearing them every time y’all are hanging out and going on dates etc. that can be a lot for someone who isn’t a part of this world we live in. A pair of jeans would be a lot easier to wear nonstop and be not so “in your face” so to speak. Easier to get away with essentially. I wear the same jeans everyday and have for the last year. But I’m sure if I was wearing the same bibs out to dinner, out to the movies, out to family gathering, to work, etc. my wife might call me on it after awhile.
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@Gammaman In these situations, I recommend the crazy hot chart
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I love how the crazy scales start at 4
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@Gammaman I have to echo what others said, that she wants to set down what you wear is a red flag for me. It would have been much more reasonable to say something like "I can't wait until this denim competition thing is over and I get to see you in a normal pair of trousers" to make her point without it coming across as dictatorial. I've been in relationships where certain lines were drawn in the sand - pizza was to be eaten with a knife and fork! And storming out of the restaurant in a huff was a reasonable response to my non-compliance! But at least I got to finish her pizza, seeings as how I was paying for it. - and it doesn't end well.
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@Gammaman my lady rolls 364 with me but it took many failed relationships to find her…we’re married now. I remember when I placed fourth in the redline rally (and to be honest I kept fading a secret to everyone around me) when I came home she made me a card with a drawing of my faded oni. My love to her is my life and fading is second but she respects my crazy passions in life. Always be you especially if it’s not hurtful or harmful to the ones you cherish…keep being you and let things fall into place. Only the strong weather the storm
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It sounds so unreasonable doesn't it, "he dumped me for a pair of jeans".
But what you wear is you, it defines what you are and who you are. Being told not to be you is very non-trivial IMHO.
Edit: Ask her to join you on one of the Happy Hours, that should fix it
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@Gammaman I have been in toxic relationships and it took years of my life from me. I'm talking physical and mental abuse and there were signs I did not want to see. I don't know you or your partner but it seems unhealthy to make threads against things she don't aprove and also she should like you for who you are no matter what you are wearing.
My girlfriend knows how much I love denim and she don't care about clothes too much. Sometimes she asks me too wear this or that for dinner because she likes it but mostly she lets me do my denim thing and no matter what I look like she loves me and that's the thing... Maybe you can compromise, for example I have bought some nice 555 duck pants because my girl asked to maybe on one day in the week I don't go all indigo... So I had an excuse to buy something nice and she likes when I wear it.
In the end you have to decide what you gonna do about it but if you were my buddy I would say leave while you can. My life got better by 100% when I did
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@Gammaman I believe that some compromise in a relationship is inevitable and even healthy (at least in my case because I don't like a lot about myself and if someone I love helps me "file my rough edges" it's welcome). Having said that, however, if someone wants to distort or shape us, in my opinion this has little to do with love and a lot to do with control. If you have the feeling that the hated Bib is just the beginning, I would leave everything alone before anyone risks seriously hurting themselves.
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@FlavourFade I feel this…I have a nice pair of black freenote cloth Wilkes cut for special occasions. It feels nice for a fella to look a bit dressed up and impress the misses
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Hi thanks for the great responses. I’m going to wash them and just wear them for work I think.
No me to I can’t be dressed by a women unless I’m unable to. It’s our own choice to wear what we want and when it’s like our last little bit of freedom being taken away from us. My soul would shrivel up and die.
For me now I’m wearing some old 14oz 777 and can’t wait for my bibs to dry. -
This a real tear or rip caused from wear mostly from me crossing my legs. But I don’t mind it.
These were from the first batch of 777 14oz.
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@Gammaman man that’s a real beautiful hue with all that wear
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man I’m new but love this forum and the beautiful advice you can get from it…anyways in response to @Gammaman heres my wife’s card to me with my oni! Cheers brother…life is life and sometimes finding that balance can be absolute perfection 
