Quotes Worth Quoting

[madmonday]

better get off the government computers

[LandoCal126 0]

@shoque:

I am pretty sure this is some weird browser module/weirdly-misconfigured option combo thing.

[Finn666]

@madmonday:

… but it's easier making a donation to folks that actually need instead of want stuff.

[madmonday]

@Megatron1505:

@Giles:

@Megatron1505:

sacrifices were made  :o

So, how much are 5 years olds fetching down the market these days?

I need to make the most of him while he can still fit up a chimney 

[rocket]

@Megatron1505:

I will look beautiful, like a pretty flower 

[madmonday]

@simonc:

. . . I was in this gallery yesterday and I noticed some people were standing around what looked like a bench taking pictures of it, I wasn't sure until this old man sat down on it, then they all put away their phones and realised - not art - bench.

[madmonday]

@Giles:

They look great, may consider cutting off the rest of my toes

[DougNg]

From my dad throughout my life:

"Never play offense in football. Not with those Asian eyes. Peripheral vision is good, up and down, not so much. Play defense"

"Head on a swivel!!!" (I always thought this was weird because I naturally have excellent peripheral vision, reference above)

"Never do anything with your knife you wouldn't do with your dick"

"Never sleep with a woman that's crazier than you are"

Giles and Paula will attest though, my dad is fairly unassuming, so it makes it even weirder

I'm sure I have more, I'm just drawing a blank

[DougNg]

Oh yeah: "You really surprise me. You were a pussy as a child"

[Seul]

Hahaha I bet you love that old geezer innit!.. He sounds like a riot!..

[DougNg]

He's calmed down a lot since he retired. He's nearly tolerable now

Another one:

Dad: Life is very simple for me. Work hard, have children, raise them so they can be successful, then you die

My Uncle: The fuck are you talking about? We were talking about cars?!?

[Chris]

@DougNg:

"Never do anything with your knife you wouldn't do with your dick"

This one is the weirdest to me.  Other than keeping it clean, I can't think of many things I would do with both.

Personally, I've always thought that the kitchen is no place for your dick.

[Megatron1505]

True, I never take my dick into the kitchen with me (ideal excuse for not washing the dishes).

[Chris]

[Giles]

@madmonday:

it's interesting only the affluent can really have the time to ponder & record it. everyone else has these thoughts, they just don't get a chance to write the sh!t down  
[/quote]

[Lucifer]

The Oval Office carpet is thick with Presidential semen. They look out of the window, think "I own you all" and jack off like ugly apes in humping season. It's what they live for. No one who wants that is to be trusted. Why can't you all see that?

[LandoCal126 0]

@nemesisnow1200:

if i get grief from my boss ill flip him the finger and say ,,,World Tours  ,,,aint coming off

[Giles]

@nemesisnow1200:

heres the local precinct,,,,devoid of all the local pondlife/scum,,coz its methadone day down at the clinic

[Finn666]

@DougNg:

Yeah, I really wouldn't take any shit from a guy who looks like something I'd clean my ears with

[alcatraz]

" If you're going through hell, keep going" 
Winston Churchill