Random Announcements

[that_was_easy]

Have some comedy:

1)guy who has walked into bar: Excuse, bartender, do you have any helicopter flavor potato chips?

bartender: I'm afraid we only have plain.

2. A man walks into a bar. The bartender says "The bar is closed." The man takes out an novelty foam Pope hat that has the phrase "RIDE THE PARTY BU$" emblazoned across the front. The bartender is skeptical, but the man smiles gently and becons him. Instantly, the bartender is transported to a magical kingdom far under the seas, where all the creatures of the ocean are singing and dancing. Howver, the bartender dies from the immense water pressure. The man, still back in the bar, pours himself some amontillado and weeps deeply - the bartender was his father.

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by a fierce tribe in the rain forests of Brazil. Not long after their capture, the chief walked up to them and said, “The bad news is that now that we've caught you we're going to kill you and use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die”.

The Frenchman said, “I take ze poison”. The chief gave him some poison. The Frenchman said “Vive la France!” and drank the poison down and died.

The Englishman said, “A pistol for me, please”. The chief gave him a pistol. The Englishmen pointed it at his head, said “God save the Queen!” and blew his brains out.

The New Yorker said, “Gimme a fork”. The chief was puzzled, but he shrugged and gave him a fork. The New Yorker took the fork and started jabbing himself all over: the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There was blood gushing out all over the ground and all over everyone. It was horrible.

The chief was appalled, and screamed, “What are you doing???”

The New Yorker looked at the chief and said, “So much for your canoe, motherfucker!”

[DougNg]

"So much for your canoe, motherfucker"

You have to add that last part

<-born and bred New Yorker

[that_was_easy]

Ha, edited for proper NY jargon.

[a.khan12390]

embarrassingly i did not get the first two

[DougNg]

Cock juggler, ass clown and dick snot are all appropriate synonyms

[riffblaster general]

yeah….am i an idiot? i dont get that second joke.

how do you wake up lady gaga?  poke her face

[Beatle]

#3 was actually not bad..but I'm with Riffblaster - what is #2 all about ?

[that_was_easy]

I encountered #2 and didn't laugh at first, but after reading it a second time, I cracked up.  Shit is absurd…w/ a pope hat, that says 'RIDE THE PARTY BU$'.  The bartender is skeptical of that.

I know it's got no punchline, it was random though.  Carry on.

EDIT:  Also, from now on, the forum has a jokes thread:

http://www.ironheart.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=800.0

[ronaldlsh]

It's fucking rare, but i bumped into a couple that are wearing ih jeans today. We said hi, and he could even remember my forum nick! Kind of regret not taking pics together as the place (library) was not really appropriate.

He could be reading this! Sadly, he is just reads this forum instead of posting.

[nameness]

^ Someone has a cyber-stalker… 

[Beatle]

if you have time, check this out..Japanese accent is fantastic

[deadendpro]

That was bloody great! for some reason, the european accents were most enjoyable to me!

What accent do you have Giles???  ::)

[Giles]

tell you tomorrow when I listen to it

[Giles]

Actually better than that.  Here I am:

[Seul]

That must be fake - you 2 speak like BBC weather forecasters hahaha 

[Giles]

In my most proper English accent. "Go fuck yourself"

[Seul]

But it's true!.. I just thought, for whatever reason, you lot 'd be the kind of Britons I wouldn't understand!.. 

Seriously though: lovely clip!.. 

[deadendpro]

@Giles:

In my most proper English accent. "Go fuck yourself"

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaha

Too good!

[riffblaster general]

bout to take off on a skate road trip.    should be a blast.

[LandoCal126 0]

Please take a ton of photos! Have fun and be safe…