When you suddenly feel old —
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@Giles I’ve had the same realization lately and have, for lack of a better phrase, opted out of the relationships with people I don’t have anything in common with. Being friends with some of them was actually a negative experience, but for some reason I felt some obligation to keep it going.
When I was young, I loved having as many friends as possible. Now I really appreciate having a core crew of friends I really love and trust. Hollow relationships? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
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@popvulture reminds me of this new song by a favorite artist of mine
And
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@popvulture as an introvert, that resonates with me. I’m certainly sociable and have plenty of friends, but socializing, while entertaining, is also draining, and I need my solitude (which can include my wife, dog, and kid). I don’t reach out even to close friends too often but we pick up where we left off when we get together. I think they know me well enough to understand I’m not someone to pick up the phone and talk; we will chat when we see each other. And the acquaintances that aren’t of interest just kind of take care of themselves since I don’t engage. I have zero tolerance for manufactured drama (and plenty of sympathy/empathy, patience, compassion, and desire to help when there is a legitimate mess), and that probably the fastest way to exit my friend zone. I got my own shit to deal with
and I’ve been this “old” curmudgeon since I was young. -
@mclaincausey I totally feel you on all of that, especially the draining bit (god I need a recharge SO badly after social things) and the friendships that pick up where they last left off. Regarding the latter, that's the basis of all my closest friendships; nobody gets pissy if the other doesn't call, and when we see each other it's easy-peasy. I also have zero room for drama. Gettin' too old for that shit!
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@jfk1117 I'm not familiar, will check it out!
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@popvulture totally understand that... I always played the extrovert when I was younger and tried to be the life of every party until I found out it was all an excuse to not deal with my fears... Now I hang out with the same guys and girls like back in school, know most of them for 20 years and are not interested in expanding this circle of 10 people I really care about. I'm good with people and always find something to talk about with most of them but it's exhausting.
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@mclaincausey man, I’m a total introvert myself. I’ve actually been through therapy trying to figure out why I’m so damn cranky sometimes. Being an introvert isn’t necessarily about being a wallflower in social situations. It’s about the amount of recovery time one needs after exhausting themselves socially, exactly as you mentioned.
The challenge for me is how much energy my job takes from me daily. Teaching is like a nonstop performance all day long. Empathically taking on the energy and emotions of every student and giving them my own energy to help them through their challenges. When I get home my gas tank is on empty everyday. It leaves very little patience for dealing with domestic frustrations and communication break downs. I’ve spent all that at work.
I need to have alone time for the first hour or so when I get home. Usually taking Carl to the park to walk around and get some fresh air and exercise.
The older I get I’m finding I have less to give my students. Which is why I know I’ve made the right choice to move into a new role next year. For the sake of my students and my own family.
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@Mizmazzle that tracks. I love kids but it would be unimaginably exhausting to spend that kind of time with them. I’d just want to come home and get pixilated every day.
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@Mizmazzle preach dawg...I was just telling this concept to my wife the other day after work. Teaching is incredibly mentally exhausting. Every dang day.
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Interesting. You hear the same thing sometimes about performers. Painfully shy and nervous before going on stage even decades into careers, then offering no evidence of trepidation or insecurity in performance. Sometimes it seems like they’re so stage afraid you’d wonder why they chose the career; some people just have to unleash their muses I suppose.
I’ve had that sense before addressing audiences before but usually not too bad thankfully.