That's Jokes
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Why can't Smokey Bear and his wife have kids?
Every time she gets hot he smacks her with a shovel.
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You’re playing for the club championship. After 17 holes you and your opponent are dead even. You have the honors off the 18th tee. You hit your drive down the middle of the fairway 280 yards. Your opponent goes straight right into the woods. You help him look for the ball for about 10 minutes. Finally he says, “why don’t you go and hit your second shot, I’ll look for my ball for a couple more minutes and if I don’t find it, I’ll go back and tee up again”. You go out to the fairway and hit your second shot. It’s perfect. Lands about 10 feet from the pin. Just as your ball hits the green; from out in the woods you hear “FOUND IT”. The ball comes flying out of the woods and falls about 2 inches from the pin for a gimmie.
Here’s the dilemma.
Do you take the cheating bastards ball out of your pocket? And confront him with it? Or do you just keep your mouth shut? -
@flannel-slut Isn’t the punchline the funny answer to the question. Similar joke. Years ago. You see Osama Bin Laden clinging to a tree branch in a raging river. You can go for help and risk missing out on taking a prize winning picture. The question is what lens do you use? Or something like that.
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Hope it´s still OK;-)
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Finally someone who appreciates this dumb Oasis joke
@Mizmazzle. Don‘t like them at all, never did, don‘t get the reunion hype. -
This satirical article made me chuckle...
https://thehardtimes.net/blog/how-to-support-your-friend-during-their-raw-denim-phase/
“𝑁𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑢𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑏 𝑦𝑜𝑢. 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑒𝑒𝑡 𝑖𝑡, 𝑖𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑜, 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝑤𝑒𝑎𝑝𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑐ℎ 𝑡𝑜𝑑𝑎𝑦 𝑎𝑟𝑚 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑔𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑒𝑛𝑡.”
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A guy comes home with a Robot. His wife says what’s up with the Robot? He says this Robot is a Lie Detector. With that his son walks in and he says It’s late where have you Been? He says I was at the library,and BAM the Robot smacks him. He says Okay I was at a friends house studying and BAM the robot clocks him again,and he says Okay we were watching Porn. The wife chuckles and says well he’s your son,and BAM the robot smacks her.
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@Danimal506 Saw your post where you mentioned doing Stand Up. I like @Mizmazzle am a huge comedy fan/student of comedy. I tell jokes,that I didn’t write,all the time. I’m totally in awe of anyone who can get up and do 5,10 minutes let alone an hour. Curious if you were ever into or even heard of a comedian by the name of Mitch Hedberg? I wasn’t into him when he was alive but after hearing quite a few contemporary comedians talk about him I had to find out about him. Do you have any influences or current favorites. My #1 these days would have to be Anthony Jeselnick. Like John Mullaney a lot as well.
