Wabbidashery… aka, The Heritage Heaven Tour
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So… a few more observations regarding living with a long term mental health issue…
As many of you know, I spent five weeks receiving treatment at a facility in the spring. The place focused on encouraging healthy patterns of living, as well as functioning as a place of learning. It was designed to maximise sleeping, eating, exercise and rest. There were eight patients in total and we were encouraged to test our limits around being social, sharing fellowship, the better to learn when it is healthy to engage with others and when it is healthy to disconnect.
We were taught to view health on a spectrum rather than as a healthy/ill binary. The more things you do that slide the scale the right way, the better. Recognising when the scale is sliding the wrong way is important. This facility was an excellent place to learn and practice these skills, the problem being that it is a sheltered, protected environment, with many real world stress factors removed. So when you get out, the task is revealed as being much, much harder.
The other problem is that pretty much everything in life is a double edged sword to the depressed mind. Most things cut both ways, and learning how to use things so you only cut away from yourself is tough. And the technique varies from case to case.
Alcohol is an typical example. Most people know that there is a relationship between booze and mental health. In an ideal world anyone with mental health issues would abstain entirely. However drinking can give relief. A certain benign escape, in the right setting. The costs don’t have to outweigh the benefits. But they do tend to, as the depressed brain will desperately want to maintain the experience of pleasure and happiness that alchohol can bring, and which is otherwise entirely lacking in life. Having unconsciously self medicated with alcohol all my life, this is something I’m working hard on.
While this is an obvious example, it also extends to food, coffee, nicotine, and really any sort of stimulant or relaxant. Even training, which many consider to be exclusively positive, can be problematic. I’ve used training earlier in my life to sublimate depression. It boosts endorphins, dopamine, adrenalin. It takes time, effort and attention. It gives purpose. It can also become obsessive and dangerous. This may lead to injury, neglection of other important aspects of life, self doubt, narcisistic tendencies, guilt when not training, shame when injured.
Another example is social contact. I love being in a positive social setting. It can be an excellent medicene against depression. But the joy and affirmation that I can experience can often lead to chasing behaviours. These inevitably lead to taking poor decisions. For example, my energy levels are lowered by social interaction, and ignoring the need for rest and alone time, and instead chasing positive experience through social interaction will set me up for a very bad time.
Obviously, balance in all things is key. The depressed brain seeks it all the time, but is spectacularly poorly equipped to achieve it. The work I’m doing now is about exploring that balance in all aspects of my life. Trying to find out what healthy behaviour looks like for me, at this point in my life.
«Stevie Heighway on the wing!
We had dreams, and songs to sing…»- Dame Vera Lynn
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@neph93 well spoken! It’s beautiful how you take us with you inside your thoughts.. and in the way how you dare to speak about it in such a public place as this. I can’t speak for others but in my thoughts we’ve all been in a place where we never wanna be but only starting to acknowledge that when you’re already drowing in wet sand. The beautiful thing about such things is that you can learn from it. You deserve the best version of you. Also of-topic but those 828’s looks great on you! Wear it all in good health brother!
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@neph93 Do you have a support network or weekly/monthly meetings with a group to discuss progress?
Are there things that you are doing that is helping with the entire process such as exercise in moderation, walks, communal activities, or just shutting the door for an afternoon to take a self imposed break?
I think the hardest thing in the process would be the self realization of things that I would be doing right vs. too much of vs. bad behaviours that would set my progress back.
"I don't give a shit what anyone else is doing, we will do what is best for us and our customers" - Giles P. :)
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Great read and thanks for sharing Reuben. I feel like i would have an issue with overthinking about staying moderate in all of the above mentioned. Alcohol seems like an easier one to just "know" you are overdoing it and lie to yourself that you aren't. But coffee (everyday starts with cold brew), food, and social interaction/contact seem like they would be harder to pinpoint when enough is enough.
But what you just described makes a lot of sense to your previous post about how it can take months or years to realize you've fallen into a depression. It could start with subtle changes and then move into a lifestyle that is hard to see as "off" from an outsider, but can actually a lot of coping mechanisms disguised as normal daily behaviors.
you are a 10X smarter human than I, so i really like to learn from you in all aspects, even this one that isn't so pleasant.
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@neph93 this post is very moving, and also insightful and inspirational if that is OK to say..? For me, a beautiful fact about our current times is the acceptance [for the most part] to be honest about our struggles in life. I hope that the next generation [and my kids] can be open, accepting and understanding of the challenges that many face, and how being open and honest is a strength and important. Your post is very very cool. Bravo!
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@neph93 ...and as I've said a million times before, and I do seriously mean it: At any time, you can tell me to fuck off and my feelings won't be hurt. Honestly I would completely understand and appreciate you telling me so.
Here for the long run and to drink a pint or two with you again
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I've been working my ass off, lately. But, I have been following along...
@denim-dawg , awesome opening leg. You have certainly established a new high standard. I loved every minute of your work.
@neph93 , I'm always rooting for you, mate. Looking forward to a time we can hit a pub, and enjoy a brew and a game of footy.
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@goosehd note to self. When you mentally sign off from the forum for the evening and take a tab of Zoplicone, don’t fire off one more quick answer. You’ll think your making perfect sense whereas in reality parts of you are already asleep and the rest is about 30 seconds behind
«Stevie Heighway on the wing!
We had dreams, and songs to sing…»- Dame Vera Lynn
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As I’m sure you understood, despite my best efforts, I was trying to say my 822’s are a little small at the moment and the crotch is failing.
I picked up the 828’s somewhat begrudgingly (14oz is just not my jam), and they are pretty bloody awesome.
Wore my 822’s today though, on my mental health walk…
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proud of you for sharing mate.
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