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Iron Heart Fall/Winter 2025 Collection Preview - Now Live

That's Jokes

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  • H
    hectic
    Joined: 24 Sept 2009

    @riffblaster:

    what did the buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

    make me one with everything.

    LOLed, thnx

    last edited by 13 Oct 2010, 18:47 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
    • T
      that_was_easy
      Joined: 3 Feb 2010

      Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”

      Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”

      “No problem, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.”

      So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and Tom Cruise shouts, “Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!”

      Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.

      “No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says.

      “President Bush,” his boss quickly retorts. “Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of coffee first and catch up.”

      Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.

      “The Pope,” his boss replies.

      “Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.

      Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.”

      He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.

      Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

      Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”

      His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw … you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, ‘Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Dave?”

      last edited by 13 Oct 2010, 19:57 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
      • topic:timeago-later,8 days
      • R
        riffblaster general
        Raw and Unwashed
        Joined: 23 Mar 2010

        what do you do when you see a spaceman?

        park, man.

        PUT DOWN THAT STARBUCKS, PICK UP THAT GNARBUCKS!!

        last edited by 21 Oct 2010, 14:36 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
        • topic:timeago-later,2 months
        • C
          cowsareforeating
          Joined: 10 Dec 2009

          http://www.styleforum.net/showthread.php?t=215042

          lol!

          last edited by 20 Dec 2010, 05:00 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
          • D
            D97x7
            Joined: 7 Oct 2010

            I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.
            I shouted "where you off to Charlie"
            He said "I'm going to change a light bulb"
            I laughed my head off and said that's gonna be a bit awkward ain't it?
            "Not really" he said "I've still got the receipt, you spiteful b******.

            last edited by 20 Dec 2010, 10:25 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
            • R
              riffblaster general
              Raw and Unwashed
              Joined: 23 Mar 2010

              how do you wake up lady gaga?

              poker face.

              PUT DOWN THAT STARBUCKS, PICK UP THAT GNARBUCKS!!

              last edited by 20 Dec 2010, 18:33 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
              • H
                hectic
                Joined: 24 Sept 2009

                @cowsareforeating:

                http://www.styleforum.net/showthread.php?t=215042

                lol!

                That's a good one.

                last edited by 20 Dec 2010, 18:48 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                • S
                  Seul
                  Joined: 24 Nov 2009

                  Best one here - although it makes me wanna punch items (walls, fridges, tanks,…).

                  last edited by 20 Dec 2010, 18:49 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                  • C
                    cowsareforeating
                    Joined: 10 Dec 2009

                    yeah you and me both…

                    last edited by 20 Dec 2010, 21:23 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • topic:timeago-later,13 days
                    • K
                      Katsushin
                      Joined: 9 May 2010

                      Not a joke per se, but comedic none the less…
                      (Yes they're real)

                      last edited by 3 Jan 2011, 00:44 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                      • G
                        Geo
                        Joined: 29 Sept 2010

                        Piece of string goes into a bar, orders a beer and the barman says "Sorry, but read the notice - we don't serve string here. I need to ask you to leave" The string protests, but the barman just points to the door.

                        Next day the piece of string thinks "I'll get served this time" - and puts on a pair of dark glasses and heads back into the bar.

                        Straight away the barman says "You can't fool me, you're that piece of string I threw out yesterday - so GO!"

                        The string is now really mad at not getting served so he goes outside, throws away the glasses, loops himself into a loop, ruffles his top end and goes straight back into the bar and orders a beer.

                        The barman says "Do you think I'm crazy? You're that piece of string that had the dark glasses aren't you?" and the string says "No, I'm afraid not . . ."

                        Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                        last edited by 3 Jan 2011, 01:51 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                        • C
                          caseywisenbaker
                          Joined: 31 Oct 2010

                          hahahahah a frayed knot!

                          last edited by 4 Jan 2011, 01:23 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                          • G
                            Geo
                            Joined: 29 Sept 2010

                            😉

                            Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                            last edited by 4 Jan 2011, 11:37 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                            • G
                              Geo
                              Joined: 29 Sept 2010

                              or how about:

                              the missus and me were discussing our sex life and I said to her "truthfully - how often do you enjoy sex?"

                              she said "well I'm sorry to say I like it infrequently"

                              I thought for a second and asked "Is that one word or two?"

                              Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                              last edited by 4 Jan 2011, 11:42 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                              • B
                                Beatle
                                Joined: 8 Dec 2009

                                lol..that was actually funny…

                                We can do anything

                                http://bybeatle.com

                                last edited by 4 Jan 2011, 11:46 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                • G
                                  Geo
                                  Joined: 29 Sept 2010

                                  whadayamean "actually"!!!  😉

                                  Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                                  last edited by 4 Jan 2011, 11:48 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                  • B
                                    Beatle
                                    Joined: 8 Dec 2009

                                    yeah, ur right. really funny

                                    We can do anything

                                    http://bybeatle.com

                                    last edited by 4 Jan 2011, 11:59 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                    • R
                                      RichValentine
                                      Joined: 3 Jan 2011

                                      Thought this would be ideal for this time of year 😛

                                      last edited by 5 Jan 2011, 00:26 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                      • H
                                        hectic
                                        Joined: 24 Sept 2009

                                        Nice, like that sketch.

                                        I just googled "world's best joke", apparently it is this:

                                        Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

                                        last edited by 5 Jan 2011, 14:52 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                        • H
                                          hectic
                                          Joined: 24 Sept 2009

                                          This is a good Russian joke that I like (you can substitute any names you like of course):

                                          "An intelligence test was conducted among the OMON (Russian Special forces) involving various sized round holes and square pegs. The conclusion states that the OMON can be divided into two groups: very dumb and VERY strong…"

                                          last edited by 5 Jan 2011, 14:55 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
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