Confessions of a…....
-
My wife and I met at work. My first day, they were giving me a tour and introducing me to all the employees. I was 20 at the time, she was 17. After they introduced me to her and we were walking away to go to another section of the building, I asked the guy giving me the tour "Is she a midget?" Little did I know she would be my wife 7 years later…...
Gav knows the feeling
-
Awesome Brooks
I have a similar story about how Pam and I met.
I worked at an Irish bar in Mansfield called O'Neills, but I was fired rather quickly for spending most of my shift smoking in the staff toilet rather than actually working. Anyway, I liked the pub so I used to go in there to drink after I was fired (totally shameless), and one night a former work colleague of mine introduced me to my replacement, Pam.
At the time I was really, really drunk, so the first words I ever uttered to my wife to be were….
"You'll never replace me, your too short, and you're a woman"
....and with that, I turned my back on her.
I went on my merry way, totally forgetting the incident until a couple of years later when Pam came to work at my current company. Our eyes met across a photocopier and she said to me ....
"Oi! You used to work at O'Neills, you were a bit of a prick"
.....and the rest is a love story
-
13 years old dad at work mom at the store. Decided to spank the monkey. Laid out roughly ten porno mags on the floor and went to town. While hovering over the magazines. I neglected to to hear my bedroom door open. To my surprise my mother had walked into my room while I was throwing my shoulder out. She very gracefully said excuse me and left the room quickly.
When I was 18 I asked my mother to come to my apartment while I was at work because the cable guy was coming. I had an old huge rear projection Mitsubishi tv. The cable guy set up the box and then checked to make sure the VCR was working. He hit play and moaning started blaring out of my sound system. I had made a homemade porno with an ex girlfriend that was huge into anal and my mom, younger brother, and 2 cable guys all got to witness it.
"Obstacles are stepping-stones That guide us to our goals"
-
WINNER ^
-
Knew I could rely on Jeff for some sick shit
-
Glad I could amuse. I can go on for days with this shit.
"Obstacles are stepping-stones That guide us to our goals"
-
Please do, I'm going to be looking deep into the archive for some bad times laughs…..
-
I got one on a similar theme to D666.
My mum and dad ran a pub for most of my life. We had a flat above it. At around the age of 13 or so we had Sky TV installed. The box was located upstairs and connected to our TV. The screens downstairs would then show what was being played upstairs.
You can see where i am going with this i bet…So anyway one saturday night when i had been sent upstairs to bed i snuck into the front room and decided to check out the "exotic" channels. Anyone who had the original Sky will remember this was the days of the german channels. So anyway long story short i switched it to my favourite channel. As I settled down to enjoy a so good old german porn i heard a cheer from downstairs which i didn't think much of. It was only as my Dad came flying through the door yelling at me to turn it off. That i realised they were watching boxing downstairs or at least they were before they got to see my german porn.
For a good few months after that all the regulars would rib me about it and ask if i had seen any good films. -
RTL FTW
-
During the first year dating my wife. I went on a skiing trip with her, her brother and his friends. We drank heavily the first night we got there. I woke up early The next morning to get first tracks. Putting on My snowboard pants. I zipper my manhood. I Let out a loud scream and woke everyone in the house. The zipper was imbedded in my mushroom cap, there was no escape. There was now 10 people standing over me laughing so hard they were crying. One of my brothers friends cut my pants off of me. I was sweating and I looked like a shark attack victim. I then proceeded to call the ski patrol For first aid. They hung up on me and said it was a prank phone call. After a bit of coaxing I decided to go down first aid to get myself fixed. When I arrived they started laughing and said owe my God you were the guy that called. They then asked me if I was squeamish. I replied no. Then the one female ski patrol Announced come here guys this is the guy who caught his dick in his pants. She used surgical scissors And cut the zipper from the bottom. I was free except for the huge blood blister on the tip of my dick. My wife proceeded to tell her mother and her response at least I know he's out of commission for the week.
"Obstacles are stepping-stones That guide us to our goals"
-
-
At least you didn't get the beans above the frank D666
One day around 10 years ago, I'm at my mum and step dads house, can't remember why or what I was searching for.. Found a rather large shiny silver vibrator in his (stepdads) top bedside drawer. I don't know who it was for and I don't want to. To this day no one has ever heard that story. So cold..
-
…suddenly, it dawned on mclaincausey why others on the forum use pseudonyms...
Great tales brothas!
-
my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on this plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane starts spinning around, going out of control, so he figures it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad! So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, the hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and they land safely and everyone puts their penises or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.
-
What movie was that from??
"Obstacles are stepping-stones That guide us to our goals"
-
Outstanding! One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck up his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all, but next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, "Jesus, Walt! What are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too. Why don't you knock it off?" And he said to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy.
"Obstacles are stepping-stones That guide us to our goals"
