That's Jokes
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Here's a joke that a scottish band told me some years ago (the Tannahill Weavers, if the scots know them)
Q: What do two scots do when they're bored?
A: They go in a small cabin with three bottles of good whisky and drink them. Then one leaves the cabin and the other has to guess who left. -
some shit about understanding engineers, sorry about the spaces between the lines:
Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one
said, 'Where did you get such a great bike?'
The second engineer replied, 'Well, I was walking along yesterday,
minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,
threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you
want.'
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, 'Good choice; the
clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway.'
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting
for fifteen minutes!'
The doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such inept
golf!'
The priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
him.'
He said, 'Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?'
The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire
fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last
year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
them tonight.'
The doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'
The engineer said, 'Why can't they play at night?'
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, 'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with an arts degree asks, 'Do you want fries with that?'
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.
One said, 'It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.'
Another said, 'No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections.'
The last one said, 'No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area ?'
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him
and said, 'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.'
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.'
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned
It to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a
Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.'
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, 'What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?'
The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.'
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LOL.
what? these are some funny jokes
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dear deidre,
the other day i looked out of my bedroom window and saw my neighbour's 18 year old daughter sunbathing topless in their garden. i had been masturbating vigorously for about 5 minutes when i turned round and saw my wife standing in the doorway watching me.is she a pervert?
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my friend asked "whats your ringtone?"
i said "i'm not sure, it's difficult to see, but i would guess light brown"
