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    Iron Heart Fall/Winter 2025 Collection Preview - Now Live

    That's Jokes

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    • ?
      Guest
      Joined:

      Do you like my new scarf?

      has this ever happened to any of you?

      how about my new haircut? It looks amazing…

      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
      • GeoG
        Geo
        Joined:

        Ok so we all know that Seul continually bitches about his work but he's actually done quite well for himself although it has got him into some bother.

        It was way back when he started as a junior delivery boy - his boss sent him out in the van to pick up some stock

        Anyway - he was driving back when the boss phoned (on the hands free btw) and said "you've been doing well so I'm promoting you to Senior Delivery boy"

        Astonished, Seul swerved

        A couple of minutes later his boss phoned again and said "actually you are so good I'm making you head of deliveries"

        Even more stunned Seul swerved again!

        But within minutes the boss was phoning again "listen I've reconsidered - never mind head of deliveries - I want you to run the whole operation!"

        Seul just can't believe his ears - swerves all over the place and hits a lampost, bangs his head and is knocked out

        Next thing he knows - a cop is trying to wake him and asks "what happened?"

        Seul answers "I must have careered off the road . . . "

        Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
        • hecticH
          hectic
          Joined:

          groan

          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
          • Finn666F
            Finn666
            Joined:

            lol 😃

            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
            • GeoG
              Geo
              Joined:

              A N G B

              . . . that's bang out of order 😉

              Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
              • ?
                Guest
                Joined:

                My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker -
                well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet

                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                • Finn666F
                  Finn666
                  Joined:

                  hahahahaha 😃

                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                  • SeulS
                    Seul
                    Joined:

                    Why do I have the feeling this could've been monday…

                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • madmondayM
                      madmonday
                      Raw and Unwashed
                      Joined:

                      that was weirder than your usual posing seul, hahahahahaha

                      what was she doing & why

                      head high, middle finger higher

                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                      • gollottiG
                        gollotti
                        Joined:

                        ^ Kinda looks like an attempt at a Downward Facing Dog position

                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                        • SeulS
                          Seul
                          Joined:

                          Trying to plank… It's only fun when it goes wrong...

                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                          • ?
                            Guest
                            Joined:

                            Ouch!
                            My wife can do that standing on her head - well you know what I mean.
                            lucky it was'nt a gas oven

                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                            • GeoG
                              Geo
                              Joined:

                              Apparantly Seul told his dad he got a job performing live sex on stage

                              "Are you having me on?" his Dad asked

                              "Well I'll ask my boss but I can't promise anything" says Seul

                              Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                              • SeulS
                                Seul
                                Joined:

                                So yeah, Geo: can he come…

                                ...

                                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                • Max PowerM
                                  Max Power
                                  Raw and Unwashed
                                  Joined:

                                  Here's a joke that a scottish band told me some years ago (the Tannahill Weavers, if the scots know them)

                                  Q: What do two scots do when they're bored?
                                  A: They go in a small cabin with three bottles of good whisky and drink them. Then one leaves the cabin and the other has to guess who left.

                                  @elclintor:

                                  > I don't care what people say.. The Max Power way is the right way…

                                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                  • ?
                                    Guest
                                    Joined:

                                    My wife has been missing for two weeks now.

                                    The police have told me to prepare for the worst.

                                    So I'm going to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

                                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                    • GeoG
                                      Geo
                                      Joined:

                                      What do you get if you cross and Eton schoolboy with a polar bear?

                                      A polar bear

                                      Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                      • D97x7D
                                        D97x7
                                        Joined:

                                        Lol, shouldn't that be a full polar bear? Reminds me of an old poem.

                                        Algy met a bear
                                        A bear met Algy
                                        The bear was bulgy
                                        The bulge was Algy

                                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                        • mvbM
                                          mvb
                                          Joined:

                                          some shit about understanding engineers, sorry about the spaces between the lines:

                                          Understanding Engineers - Take One

                                          Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one

                                          said, 'Where did you get such a great bike?'

                                          The second engineer replied, 'Well, I was walking along yesterday,

                                          minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,

                                          threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you

                                          want.'

                                          The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, 'Good choice; the

                                          clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway.'

                                          Understanding Engineers - Take Two

                                          To the optimist, the glass is half full.

                                          To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

                                          To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

                                          Understanding Engineers - Take Three

                                          A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a

                                          particularly slow group of golfers.

                                          The engineer fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting

                                          for fifteen minutes!'

                                          The doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such inept

                                          golf!'

                                          The priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with

                                          him.'

                                          He said, 'Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us?

                                          They're rather slow, aren't they?'

                                          The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire

                                          fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last

                                          year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'

                                          The group fell silent for a moment.

                                          The priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for

                                          them tonight.'

                                          The doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist

                                          colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'

                                          The engineer said, 'Why can't they play at night?'

                                          Understanding Engineers - Take Four

                                          What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

                                          Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

                                          Understanding Engineers - Take Five

                                          The graduate with a science degree asks, 'Why does it work?'

                                          The graduate with an engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?'

                                          The graduate with an accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost?'

                                          The graduate with an arts degree asks, 'Do you want fries with that?'

                                          Understanding Engineers - Take Six

                                          Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible

                                          designers of the human body.

                                          One said, 'It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.'

                                          Another said, 'No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has

                                          many thousands of electrical connections.'

                                          The last one said, 'No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.

                                          Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area ?'

                                          Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

                                          Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

                                          Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features

                                          yet.

                                          Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

                                          An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him

                                          and said, 'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.'

                                          He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

                                          The frog spoke up again and said, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a

                                          beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.'

                                          The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned

                                          It to the pocket.

                                          The frog then cried out, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a

                                          Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.'

                                          Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into

                                          his pocket.

                                          Finally, the frog asked, 'What is the matter? I've told you I'm a

                                          beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do

                                          anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?'

                                          The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a

                                          girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.'

                                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                          • alcatrazA
                                            alcatraz
                                            Joined:

                                            Went to the pub last night with my wife and I said I love you.
                                            She said " is that you or the beer talking?"
                                            I said it's me talking to the beer.

                                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
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