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    Iron Heart Fall/Winter 2025 Collection Preview - Now Live

    That's Jokes

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    • mvbM
      mvb
      Joined:

      some shit about understanding engineers, sorry about the spaces between the lines:

      Understanding Engineers - Take One

      Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one

      said, 'Where did you get such a great bike?'

      The second engineer replied, 'Well, I was walking along yesterday,

      minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,

      threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you

      want.'

      The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, 'Good choice; the

      clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway.'

      Understanding Engineers - Take Two

      To the optimist, the glass is half full.

      To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

      To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

      Understanding Engineers - Take Three

      A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a

      particularly slow group of golfers.

      The engineer fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting

      for fifteen minutes!'

      The doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such inept

      golf!'

      The priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with

      him.'

      He said, 'Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us?

      They're rather slow, aren't they?'

      The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire

      fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last

      year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'

      The group fell silent for a moment.

      The priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for

      them tonight.'

      The doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist

      colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'

      The engineer said, 'Why can't they play at night?'

      Understanding Engineers - Take Four

      What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

      Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

      Understanding Engineers - Take Five

      The graduate with a science degree asks, 'Why does it work?'

      The graduate with an engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?'

      The graduate with an accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost?'

      The graduate with an arts degree asks, 'Do you want fries with that?'

      Understanding Engineers - Take Six

      Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible

      designers of the human body.

      One said, 'It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.'

      Another said, 'No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has

      many thousands of electrical connections.'

      The last one said, 'No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.

      Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area ?'

      Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

      Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

      Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features

      yet.

      Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

      An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him

      and said, 'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.'

      He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

      The frog spoke up again and said, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a

      beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.'

      The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned

      It to the pocket.

      The frog then cried out, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a

      Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.'

      Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into

      his pocket.

      Finally, the frog asked, 'What is the matter? I've told you I'm a

      beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do

      anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?'

      The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a

      girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.'

      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
      • alcatrazA
        alcatraz
        Joined:

        Went to the pub last night with my wife and I said I love you.
        She said " is that you or the beer talking?"
        I said it's me talking to the beer.

        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
        • madmondayM
          madmonday
          Raw and Unwashed
          Joined:

          LOL.

          what?  these are some funny jokes  😠

          head high, middle finger higher

          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
          • GilesG
            Giles
            IHUK Crew
            Joined:

            So, a couple of Hill Billy's get married.

            They go off on their honeymoon.  The next day the groom turns up back at home.

            Dad "So what's up son"
            Son "She was a virgin"
            Dad "You did the right thing boy, if she aint good enough for her family, she aint good enough for ours"

            "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
            • jimmyJ
              jimmy
              Joined:

              ^ ouh man that's one of the sickest I've heard

              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
              • injunjackI
                injunjack
                見習いボス
                Joined:

                YeeeeeHaaaa, where's my banjo?

                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                • alcatrazA
                  alcatraz
                  Joined:

                  I went for my routine annual check up today and everything was going fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse.

                  Do you think I should change dentists!

                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                  • elclintorE
                    elclintor
                    Joined:

                    So a man goes to the doctor's office.

                    The doctor says "you've gotta quit masturbating."

                    The man asks "why?"

                    The doctor says "so I can examine you."

                    Geo

                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • alcatrazA
                      alcatraz
                      Joined:

                      The Grim Reaper came for me last night and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.

                      Talk about Dyson with death!

                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                      • baracuta61B
                        baracuta61
                        Joined:

                        dear deidre,
                        the other day i looked out of my bedroom window and saw my neighbour's 18 year old daughter sunbathing topless in their garden. i had been masturbating vigorously for about 5 minutes when i turned round and saw my wife standing in the doorway  watching me.

                        is she a pervert?

                        I see that the fashion wears out more apparel than the man.

                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                        • baracuta61B
                          baracuta61
                          Joined:

                          my friend asked "whats your ringtone?"
                          i said "i'm not sure, it's difficult to see, but i would guess  light brown"

                          I see that the fashion wears out more apparel than the man.

                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                          • GeoG
                            Geo
                            Joined:

                            Seul said he bought a pair of Meatloaf boxer shorts the other day

                            Apparently there's a print on the front that says 'I will do anything for love'

                            . . . and a print on the back saying 'but I won't do that' . . .

                            Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                            • BeatleB
                              Beatle
                              Joined:

                              lol….

                              We can do anything

                              http://bybeatle.com

                              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                              • J
                                jacoavlu
                                Joined:

                                🙂

                                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                • rocketR
                                  rocket
                                  Joined:

                                  😉

                                  rocketrocksrox 🤙🏼🤙🏾

                                  It's all humbug, like everywhere
                                  R.I.P. Geo

                                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                  • babyknightB
                                    babyknight
                                    啓蒙家
                                    Joined:

                                    LOL…...........

                                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                    • SeulS
                                      Seul
                                      Joined:

                                      @Geo:

                                      Seul said he bought a pair of Meatloaf boxer shorts the other day

                                      Apparently there's a print on the front that says 'I will do anything for love'

                                      . . . and a print on the back saying 'but I won't do that' . . .

                                      Geo had his customised: on the back his reads "Cheeky"…

                                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                      • GilesG
                                        Giles
                                        IHUK Crew
                                        Joined:

                                        Oh, I thought it said "One Way Street"

                                        "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

                                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                        • SeulS
                                          Seul
                                          Joined:

                                          " Haggis: 5' "

                                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                          • GeoG
                                            Geo
                                            Joined:

                                            Well you can say what you want, but I'm certainly not going to try taking the piss out of your pants . . .

                                            Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
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