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    Iron Heart Fall/Winter 2025 Collection Preview - Now Live

    That's Jokes

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    • GeoG
      Geo
      Joined:

      i've been a half capacity since i was 4 . . . no worries on my part . . . you're just trying to big yourself up  😉

      Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
      • SeulS
        Seul
        Joined:

        That's what she said…

        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
        • GeoG
          Geo
          Joined:

          😉

          Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
          • ?
            Guest
            Joined:

            Geo gets captured by the Indians,,,after hours of harsh torture ,the Chief injun approaches,,
            do you wish to be free Scotsman.to which Geo replies
            too fekkin right..
            well says the Injun chief,to gain your freedom you must complete three arduous tasks
            Geo thinks fer a while,,,
            Fekk it,,ill take yer tasks
            task one,the Injun chief says,,,
            is you must outdrink my son,,the greatest drinker in our tribe,,no man has beaten him
            piece of pish,,Geo replies
            second task,,is to go out into the woods and search out the cave of The Great Bear,,where you will fight/kill him and bring back one of his teeth
            Nae probs,,Geo replies
            third task,is you must make passionate love with the ugliest squaw in my tribe,if you survive all tasks you will be set free
            Bring it the fekk on,,says Geo

            the next day Geo is brought out,,and is sat down in front of the Injun chiefs son,,next to them both is a cauldron full of the nastiest brew going and two cups
            Begin,,shouts Injun chief,,
            they both begin swiggin down the foul brew,,cup after cup goes down,,till eventually,,,,the Injun chiefs son keels over ,,,
            Geo gets up,,and heads off into the woods,,after about 30mins or so,,there is an almighty roar
            task 2 has begun ,,the Injun chief says
              all you can hear are earpeircing screams,,mighty roars,,,shouting,,,swearing,,,,,,,then silence,,,,,,the Injun chief sends one of his tribe to fetch news of 2nd task,,
            then at the edge of the woods,,,,,Geo appears,,,clothes shredded,,,ear flapping in the breeze,,,covered in blood/snot and whatever,,,,then at the top of his voice
            Geo shouts,,,NOW WHERE IS THAT FEKKIN SQUAW WITH THE BAD TOOTH!!!!!!!!!!!

            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
            • GeoG
              Geo
              Joined:

              brilliant  😉

              Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
              • ?
                Guest
                Joined:

                ya like that one,,,,took me fekkin ages to type  😉

                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                • ChrisC
                  Chris
                  Raw and Unwashed
                  Joined:

                  And here's my contribution:

                  Seul is sitting in a bar, when Geo comes in, looking glum.

                  Seul asks, "What's the matter, Geo?"

                  Geo replies, "Well, yesterday was my birthday, and the crew at work chipped in and got me a sweater."

                  Seul says, "That sounds nice of them, I like sweaters."

                  Geo responds, "Yeah, but last year they got me a screamer."

                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                  • GilesG
                    Giles
                    IHUK Crew
                    Joined:

                    One day Seul, Geo and Nem walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. Seul pushed his beer away in disgust. Nem fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. Geo, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU FECKIN BASTARD!!!!"

                    "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • GeoG
                      Geo
                      Joined:

                      😉

                      Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                      last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                      • SeulS
                        Seul
                        Joined:

                        😉 😉

                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                        • GeoG
                          Geo
                          Joined:

                          ok, so Nem, Giles and Geo are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it

                          "I am the genie of the lamp, and i grant you 3 wishes " says the Genie, ". . . thats one each btw Nem" he added

                          So Nem says, "I'm a mad feckin' biker, so i'd love the bike of my dreams to never run out of fuel and all the roads of Wales to be free and clear to blast around forever"

                          And in the blink of an eye Nem was transported, with his shining new custom rig, back to hundreds of miles of beautiful empty roads just outside Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

                          Giles was amazed, so he said, "An englishman's home his castle and i consider the whole of englandshire to be my home, so I would love a wall built all around the country, protecting her, so that nothing will get in for all eternity"

                          Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye there was a huge wall around England

                          Geo says to the Genie "I'm very curious . . . tell me more about this wall"

                          The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, and made so that nothing can get in or out."

                          Geo says "Ach, then fill it up with water."

                          Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                          • GilesG
                            Giles
                            IHUK Crew
                            Joined:

                            @Geo:

                            Geo says "Ach, then fill it up with .water beer"

                            And I'd have had 2 wishes granted…..........

                            "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

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                            • SeulS
                              Seul
                              Joined:

                              packs a huge straw, a ladder and hits for Englandshire…

                              last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                              • GeoG
                                Geo
                                Joined:

                                i'm guessing the wall would needed to have been a good bit higher then . . .

                                Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                                last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                • GeoG
                                  Geo
                                  Joined:

                                  i'm in a little gang of friends (Geo, C, BM, B, J and WP) that have been best buddies since our days at college and we still hang out when we get the chance . . . we go out for beers, football and generally act well below our age

                                  one of the guys has a border collie - it's about the smartest dog i've ever known and C (the owner) has taught her all sorts of tricks

                                  anyway in the pub C says 'i've taught Deefer a new trick'

                                  BM says 'jeez - what now?'

                                  C 'if i'm watching football on the telly and we score she goes up on her hind legs and dances'

                                  BM 'that's unreal - you may as well give her a strip . . . does she do anything if you lose?'

                                  quick as a flash C say 'aye - she does somersaults'

                                  BMs now confused 'what? somersaults? how many somersaults does she do?

                                  C 'depends how often i kick her!'

                                  Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                                  last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                  • SeulS
                                    Seul
                                    Joined:

                                    Feckers at my local tailoringshop must be joking.. On the door it reads "Come on in - we're always open" and then in small letters the days and hours they're actually open… Definitely not on a Thursday I'll tell you that much...

                                    last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                    • GilesG
                                      Giles
                                      IHUK Crew
                                      Joined:

                                      So, I'm sitting watching the Royal Wedding with Mrs P and her sister Lisa.  We start a conversation about Williams hair:

                                      Lisa - "Yes, it would look much better if he just had a Number 2"
                                      Paula - "What, have a turd on his head?"

                                      "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

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                                      • BeatleB
                                        Beatle
                                        Joined:

                                        lol, yeah..

                                        but I do feel bad for him - all those cameras filming from up top and basically if u didn´t know any better and only have pics from back - u´d think he´s already 50..

                                        We can do anything

                                        http://bybeatle.com

                                        last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                        • GeoG
                                          Geo
                                          Joined:

                                          Seul - you're on a horse, galloping away at speed.

                                          On your right is a sharp drop off. On your left is an elephant travelling at the same speed as you.

                                          Directly in front of you is a kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it.

                                          Behind you, a lion is chasing.

                                          What the hell can you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

                                          Well you can get off the merry-go-round and act your fucking age for a start . . . 30 my arse!

                                          Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

                                          last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                          • GilesG
                                            Giles
                                            IHUK Crew
                                            Joined:

                                            wmk

                                            "OK face up to it - you're useless but generally pretty honest and straightforward . . . it's a rare combination of qualities that I have come to admire in you" - Geo 2011

                                            last edited by 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
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