That's Jokes

Seul

It was more of a spank really… She actually yelled 'Try and catch me boys' and what with Geo's lungs quantity being halfed, I didn't think it very appropriate...

Geo

i've been a half capacity since i was 4 . . . no worries on my part . . . you're just trying to big yourself up

Seul

That's what she said…

Geo

Geo gets captured by the Indians,,,after hours of harsh torture ,the Chief injun approaches,,
do you wish to be free Scotsman.to which Geo replies
too fekkin right..
well says the Injun chief,to gain your freedom you must complete three arduous tasks
Geo thinks fer a while,,,
Fekk it,,ill take yer tasks
task one,the Injun chief says,,,
is you must outdrink my son,,the greatest drinker in our tribe,,no man has beaten him
piece of pish,,Geo replies
second task,,is to go out into the woods and search out the cave of The Great Bear,,where you will fight/kill him and bring back one of his teeth
Nae probs,,Geo replies
third task,is you must make passionate love with the ugliest squaw in my tribe,if you survive all tasks you will be set free
Bring it the fekk on,,says Geo

the next day Geo is brought out,,and is sat down in front of the Injun chiefs son,,next to them both is a cauldron full of the nastiest brew going and two cups
Begin,,shouts Injun chief,,
they both begin swiggin down the foul brew,,cup after cup goes down,,till eventually,,,,the Injun chiefs son keels over ,,,
Geo gets up,,and heads off into the woods,,after about 30mins or so,,there is an almighty roar
task 2 has begun ,,the Injun chief says
all you can hear are earpeircing screams,,mighty roars,,,shouting,,,swearing,,,,,,,then silence,,,,,,the Injun chief sends one of his tribe to fetch news of 2nd task,,
then at the edge of the woods,,,,,Geo appears,,,clothes shredded,,,ear flapping in the breeze,,,covered in blood/snot and whatever,,,,then at the top of his voice
Geo shouts,,,NOW WHERE IS THAT FEKKIN SQUAW WITH THE BAD TOOTH!!!!!!!!!!!

Geo

brilliant

ya like that one,,,,took me fekkin ages to type

Chris

And here's my contribution:

Seul is sitting in a bar, when Geo comes in, looking glum.

Seul asks, "What's the matter, Geo?"

Geo replies, "Well, yesterday was my birthday, and the crew at work chipped in and got me a sweater."

Seul says, "That sounds nice of them, I like sweaters."

Geo responds, "Yeah, but last year they got me a screamer."

Giles

One day Seul, Geo and Nem walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. Seul pushed his beer away in disgust. Nem fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. Geo, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU FECKIN BASTARD!!!!"

Geo

Seul

Geo

ok, so Nem, Giles and Geo are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it

"I am the genie of the lamp, and i grant you 3 wishes " says the Genie, ". . . thats one each btw Nem" he added

So Nem says, "I'm a mad feckin' biker, so i'd love the bike of my dreams to never run out of fuel and all the roads of Wales to be free and clear to blast around forever"

And in the blink of an eye Nem was transported, with his shining new custom rig, back to hundreds of miles of beautiful empty roads just outside Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

Giles was amazed, so he said, "An englishman's home his castle and i consider the whole of englandshire to be my home, so I would love a wall built all around the country, protecting her, so that nothing will get in for all eternity"

Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye there was a huge wall around England

Geo says to the Genie "I'm very curious . . . tell me more about this wall"

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, and made so that nothing can get in or out."

Geo says "Ach, then fill it up with water."

Giles

@Geo:

Geo says "Ach, then fill it up with .~~water~~ beer"

And I'd have had 2 wishes granted…..........

Seul

packs a huge straw, a ladder and hits for Englandshire…

Geo

i'm guessing the wall would needed to have been a good bit higher then . . .

Geo

i'm in a little gang of friends (Geo, C, BM, B, J and WP) that have been best buddies since our days at college and we still hang out when we get the chance . . . we go out for beers, football and generally act well below our age

one of the guys has a border collie - it's about the smartest dog i've ever known and C (the owner) has taught her all sorts of tricks

anyway in the pub C says 'i've taught Deefer a new trick'

BM says 'jeez - what now?'

C 'if i'm watching football on the telly and we score she goes up on her hind legs and dances'

BM 'that's unreal - you may as well give her a strip . . . does she do anything if you lose?'

quick as a flash C say 'aye - she does somersaults'

BMs now confused 'what? somersaults? how many somersaults does she do?

C 'depends how often i kick her!'

Seul

Feckers at my local tailoringshop must be joking.. On the door it reads "Come on in - we're always open" and then in small letters the days and hours they're actually open… Definitely not on a Thursday I'll tell you that much...

Giles

So, I'm sitting watching the Royal Wedding with Mrs P and her sister Lisa. We start a conversation about Williams hair:

Lisa - "Yes, it would look much better if he just had a Number 2"
Paula - "What, have a turd on his head?"

Beatle

lol, yeah..

but I do feel bad for him - all those cameras filming from up top and basically if u didn´t know any better and only have pics from back - u´d think he´s already 50..

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That's Jokes